IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many people in cities today live in high-rise apartment blocks. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this type of living? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #cities #apartment #blocks #type
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Over the
last
Linking Words
 few years, the number of
people
Use synonyms
 who prefer yo some
people
Use synonyms
 in towns live in
high rise
Add a hyphen
high-rise
show examples
 apartment
buildings
Use synonyms
 has increased significantly.
Although
Linking Words
 there are several advantages of that some individuals in towns
life
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, it can have some
disadvantages
Use synonyms
 as well. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will try to discuss both
positive
Correct article usage
the positive
show examples
 and negative sides of
this
Linking Words
 and draw a conclusion. From one perspective, there are several benefits of high-rise apartments.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it has become very tidy, comfortable and always tiny. The first merit of it is considered to be that
them
Change the pronoun
they
show examples
 similar
buildings
Use synonyms
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 become increasing and developing in my country.
For example
Linking Words
, Akay City, Nursultan and Dream House. These types of
buildings
Use synonyms
 are very attractive,
luxurious
Correct word choice
and luxurious
show examples
, and
people
Use synonyms
 are crowded.
Likewise
Linking Words
, they have all the amenities. Another positive aspect is thought to be that
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
in
multi- storey
Correct your spelling
multi-storey
show examples
 houses, especially the pool,
golf
Correct article usage
the golf
show examples
 site is a storage
life
Use synonyms
. From
other perspective
Change the wording
another perspective
other perspectives
show examples
, despite
mentioned
Correct article usage
the mentioned
show examples
positives
Add a comma
positives,
show examples
 there are many shortages of apartment
buildings
Use synonyms
. One of the major
disadvantages
Use synonyms
 of it is that the
buildings
Use synonyms
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 technical malfunctions
as well as
Linking Words
 lifts do not work and other
disadvantages
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, sewed water, expensive
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
goods, happening, and paid
life
Use synonyms
. Another important demetritis that that
buildings
Use synonyms
 are very uncomfortable, and in short, the money they
Use synonyms
life
Replace the word
live
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
living money does not live. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 are admitted to live in multi-storey houses can
be offer
Change the verb form
offer
show examples
 several positives, there may be some drawbacks too. From my personal point of view,
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 of
this
Linking Words
 will outweigh the
disadvantages
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by soglomovsarvar on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
You've made a good attempt to address both sides of the argument, regarding the advantages and disadvantages of living in high-rise buildings. To improve, ensure your essay directly answers the question by clearly stating the advantages and disadvantages in separate paragraphs. This will help in making your essay more cohesive and improving your task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Try to structure your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph should contain one main idea and be fully developed.
task achievement
For a higher score, work on providing more specific examples and detailed explanations that directly support your points. This will also help in making your essay more engaging and persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Be mindful of grammatical accuracy and aim to reduce the number of errors in your writing. This will not only improve readability but also your overall score.
content
You've correctly identified some of the key advantages and disadvantages of living in high-rise apartments.
positive example
Including examples from specific buildings and locations adds a personal touch to your essay, making your arguments more illustrative.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • high-rise apartment blocks
  • densely populated
  • housing shortages
  • shared amenities
  • security personnel
  • surveillance systems
  • social interaction
  • panoramic views
  • isolation
  • noise pollution
  • outdoor spaces
  • evacuation times
  • personalization
  • building regulations
What to do next:
Look at other essays: