The most important aim of sciece should be improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree this statement ?
I agree
with
the most significant purpose of Change preposition
that
science
should be upradge
Correct your spelling
upgraded
upgrade
life
of the world's population. Let me explain my opinion based on three factors. In other Correct article usage
the life
wpord
, I say have Correct your spelling
words
word
science
can affect global threats such
as air pollution, the economy and healthy
.
Replace the word
health
First,
people
are treating the environment too carelessly. Mainting
the stability of the environment is important for the survival of mankind and the Correct your spelling
Maintain
Maintaining
wold
. The reason for air pollution is that some countries do not adequately process their waste, and Correct your spelling
world
also
because of the increase in buildings, toxic fumes spreed
and the green forests Correct your spelling
spread
speed
continue
die. Add the particle
continue to
This
threat will bring a great negative change in the normal life of human
. Fix the agreement mistake
humans
For example
, about ten percent
of babies born in the world today have some kind of birth defect. Insomuch as human beings need to be aware and protect the natural environment, Change the spelling
per cent
as well as
big
solution from environmental Add an article
a big
the big
scieces
.
Correct your spelling
sciences
science
In the
second situation is economic which is the development of economic Change preposition
The
sciece
the standard of Correct your spelling
science
the
living of the world's Correct article usage
apply
household
will Fix the agreement mistake
households
also
improve. Of course
each country needs proper regulation. Add a comma
course,
For example
in this
context, in some countries, people
sell their daughters to rich families to get money, but in
contrast
the value of money lost its meaning and is just like a piece of paper in Dubai. In order to balance these things, global economics Add a comma
contrast,
science
must contribute.
Lastly
I mentioned Add a comma
Lastly,
for
medical sciences. That's why, health plays an important role in Change preposition
apply
people
's lifestyle
. Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
Furthemore
comparing a healthy person to Correct your spelling
Furthermore
sick
person it is Correct article usage
a sick
appparent
that a healthy person is more productive and peaceful. Dramaticly, it's good things that Correct your spelling
apparent
people
are getting regular check-ups lately and the fact that medical science
is rapidly developing along with
technological advencements
is illustrating Correct your spelling
advancements
advancement
greatest
outputs.
In Correct article usage
the greatest
conclution
, I think that all scientific fields have their own specific roles and are the main tools to ensure global peace.Correct your spelling
conclusion
Submitted by bahyterkegl on
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Language Accuracy
Be mindful of spelling and grammatical accuracy to enhance clarity. For instance, 'upradge life' should be 'upgrade life', 'insomuch as' could be replaced with a more appropriate phrase, and pay attention to using plural or singular nouns correctly ('a healthy person to sick person' should be 'a healthy person to a sick person').
Structure
Improve the essay structure by clearly signaling each main point with an appropriate paragraph break and transitional phrases. This helps with the essay's overall flow and reader's understanding.
Vocabulary
Use more varied and precise vocabulary to strengthen your arguments. For example, instead of repeating 'important' or 'big solution', try synonyms or phrases that add depth to your text.
Task Achievement
Ensure your examples are directly linked to your main argument. While examples are used, make sure they clearly support the topic statement and are not just general statements.
Cohesion
To improve coherence, work on linking ideas within and between paragraphs more smoothly. Use a variety of conjunctions and cohesive devices to show the relationships between ideas for a more cohesive argument.
Task Response
You've addressed the topic directly and developed your response around three clear points, which is great for task response.
Conclusion Quality
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint, reinforcing the importance of science in improving lives, which reflects good essay structure.
Content Relevance
You've provided specific areas (environment, economy, health) where science plays a crucial role, demonstrating an understanding of the essay topic.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example