There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#pressure #people #subjects #education #cookery #school #syllabus #children #work

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Some people believe that someone's achievements are related to their abilities

accomplishing

Change the verb form

to accomplish

Accomplishing doesn’t seem to work here.

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their academic

subjects

Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. Meanwhile, those who do not have a success story in

academic

Fix the agreement mistake

academics

It seems that academic may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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usually

Add a missing verb

are usually

It seems that you are missing a verb. Consider adding it.

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ignored by society

although

Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

she has already achieved her dream in

different

Add an article

a different

The noun phrase different field seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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field.

This

Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

contention leads to some doubts and the ruler should consider

to remove

Change the verb form

removing

The verb remove is usually in the gerund form when following the word consider. Consider replacing it with the -ing form.

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non-academic

subjects

Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. Personally, I disagree with

this

Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

opinion since

children

Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

need to explore more about their preferences. A

further

Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

explanation will be presented below. First of all, removing non-academic

subjects

Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

from the curriculum will not solve the problem because

in

Add the comma(s)

, in

It appears that you are missing a comma or two with the interrupter in their young period. Consider adding the comma(s).

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their young period,

children

Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

still explore their passions whether they love to do something academic or not.

For example

Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, some

children

Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

may not enjoy learning math

due to

Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

its complexity.

Instead

Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

of studying math, they prefer drawing.

However

Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, if drawing is not available in the school, they

could not

Wrong verb form

cannot

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb could. Consider changing it.

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improve their skills, unless they want to find a drawing course.

On the contrary

Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the pressure on them tends to be higher since they are compelled to study math only

instead

Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

of drawing. Eventually, in the future, they might not get what they had dreamed of.

In addition

Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, non-academic

subject

Fix the agreement mistake

subjects

It seems that subject may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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should become a stress-relieving media for

children

Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.

For instance

Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, sometimes

children

Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

are overwhelmed by too many assignments that they have to submit. If they do not have some kind of

stress-reliever

Correct your spelling

stress reliever

The word stress-reliever doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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, the tension in their heads possibly gets worse day by day and

make

Correct subject-verb agreement

makes

It seems that the verb make does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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them feel sick. Having non-academic

subjects

Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

,

such

Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

as sports and cookery will be very helpful for them to refresh their brains and to avoid bad effects that might attack their mental health. In conclusion, there is no need to remove non-academic

subjects

Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

from

school's

Correct article usage

the school's

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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curriculum since they still have lots of positive impacts.

srsdy008Sat May 11 2024

Task Achievement

Try to develop a clear position throughout the response. Your essay presents a standpoint but could benefit from clearer arguments and more direct statements of opinion.

Coherence & Cohesion

Use a wider range of cohesive devices and topic sentences to better organize and link your ideas and paragraphs. This will help in enhancing fluidity and clarity.

Coherence & Cohesion

Incorporate more varied and complex sentence structures to demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency. This can also make your arguments more compelling.

Task Achievement

Provide more detailed and specific examples to support your arguments. Real-life examples or more detailed hypothetical scenarios can add depth to your essay.

Coherence & Cohesion

You have a good introduction that sets the stage for the discussion and a conclusion that effectively summarizes your viewpoint.

Coherence & Cohesion

Your essay is logically organized with paragraphs that each introduce a new idea, aiding the reader’s understanding.

Task Achievement

You tackle the topic from multiple angles, which shows an ability to think broadly about the issue.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Include an introduction and conclusion

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Nowadays, there is a trend that reports of media focus on problems and emergencies rather than positive development. Some people think it is harmful to individuals and to society. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

Many students find it difficult to concentrate or pay attention at school. What are the reasons? What could be done to solve this problem?

In some cities public parks and open spaces are being changed into gardens where local residents can grow their own fruit and vegetables . Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.