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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In maby countries, governments are investing in new technology to deal with the public. Why is this happening? Do you think this is an appropriate use of government money?

#maby #countries #governments #technology #government #money
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Today, in many parts of the
world
, the authorities of countries allocate their
imprest
Correct your spelling
interest
show examples
 on
technology
 in order to upgrade the well-being of
its'
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
 community.
This
 might be
due to
 the rising demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 technological devices people tend to depend on their day
today
Correct your spelling
to day
show examples
 chores. In my opinion, I think it is enormously beneficial to the people in the country and to the
world
 as a whole. In
this
 essay, I will discuss and arrive at a reasonable conclusion with examples from my own experience.
Firstly
, in recent years,
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
 of
technology
 has started to play a crucial role in
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 economy of a region.
For instance
, Japan; the country with
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
 technological advancement recently created a
Human serving
Correct your spelling
human-serving
show examples
 robot. The coding of that was to help and support housewives in almost every work in houses
such
 as cleaning,
vaccuming
Correct your spelling
vacuuming
 and cooking.
This
 robot made a huge positive image on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society regarding the
on going
Correct your spelling
ongoing
show examples
 leaderships who supported to
produce
Replace the word
production
show examples
this
Change preposition
of this
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 remarkable thing at that time.
Additionally
, the export industry in Japan
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
soared in just
few
Change the article
a few
show examples
 seconds resulting
a
Change preposition
in a
show examples
record breaking
Add a hyphen
record-breaking
show examples
 income
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the country.
Secondly
, I would like to depict
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public transportation and how the new technological methods have eased
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
transportation
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the public. In India, the
cropping up
Add a hyphen
cropping-up
show examples
 population used to travel in
jam packed
Add a hyphen
jam-packed
show examples
trains
 which took days to travel to the desired destination. Today,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
hightech
Correct your spelling
high-tech
 electric
trains
 are their travel angels because new
technology
 was able to develop the
trains
 with
high speed
Add a hyphen
high-speed
show examples
 engines so that there were more rounds of
trains
 shifts
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
occupied and the community had more chances to choose when to book the
trains
.
While
 the overlook is positive, I absolutely think the consideration in allocating on
technology
 is one of the bravest steps
took
Change the form of the verb
taken
show examples
 by all the
parlimentaries
Correct your spelling
parliamentarians
 in the
world
. After all, the main aim of developing the lives of each and every nation around the
world
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 will be highly saturated by the enhancement of technological devices and making them familiar to
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
.
To sum up
, in almost all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parts of the
world
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
developing
technology
 plays a major factor
Change preposition
in interacting
show examples
interacting
Replace the word
interactions
show examples
 with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals. As it is a vital factor of a nation, it should be provided with
financial
Add an article
the financial
show examples
 support it requires
time
Change preposition
from time
show examples
 to time.
This
 will surely
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 to the betterment of the commodities in all the
world
.
Submitted by amadisilva2 on

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logical structure
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coherence
Maintain a consistent use of tense throughout your essay to enhance clarity.
coherence
Consider varying your sentence structure to create a more engaging and dynamic essay.
grammatical accuracy
Review your essay for minor spelling or grammatical errors that can be easily corrected for cleaner presentation.
supported main points
Use specific examples to support your arguments; this makes your essay more convincing and grounded in reality.
introduction conclusion present
Clearly address all parts of the prompt in your introduction, and ensure your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points.
task response
Your essay effectively addresses the topic and provides relevant examples and arguments.
supported main points
The use of examples, such as those from Japan and India, enhances your arguments and provides clear support for your points.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the essay, reinforcing your main arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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