The most important consideration when choosing any career or job is having a high income. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Although
many people
believe that high revenue should be the most significant to consider while
choosing a job
, I do not personally agree with this
argument, and in this
essay, I would argue that there are various factors, which are more vital in this
case.
On the one hand, the main factor in job
application is interest. It is more possible for people
to fail and have to change the
Change the word
their
career
if they prioritize the amount of salary over what they enjoy doing. Fix the agreement mistake
careers
However
, individuals who opt their
profession by their own interests have a better chance to thrive and achieve their career goals sooner. For Change preposition
for their
an
example, many students Correct article usage
apply
are being
forced by their parents to become either Wrong verb form
have been
doctor
or Fix the agreement mistake
doctors
engineer
over Fix the agreement mistake
engineers
last
ten years in my country, Iran. Correct article usage
the last
As a result
, there was a
research that showed the rate of changing Correct article usage
apply
major
from medical care and engineering to art was massive during the same period.
Fix the agreement mistake
majors
On the other hand
, another major factor to have in mind when individuals are enrolling a
Change preposition
for a
job
is job
safety. Even though it is an obvious key factor, some people
might not know how much it matters. By way of example, due to
the development of science and technology, many people
lost their job
in the last
century, and have been replaced by automatic machines. AI improvement may be human-being
next challenge; because of Correct your spelling
human
this
, making
sure to optWrong verb form
make
a
Change preposition
for a
job
in which they are indispensable employees.
In conclusion, I think that while
earning a reasonable amount of money is essential, interest and job
safety have more importance than high earnings.Submitted by mohi.rezaiee on
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task achievement
Ensure that your examples are specific and directly related to your main points. While your essay mentions a study in Iran, including more detailed information or statistics could strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures and using a wider range of linking words to enhance the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Clarify and expand your conclusion to succinctly summarize your main arguments and reinforce your position. This will make your essay feel more complete and persuasive.
task achievement
You did well in addressing the prompt and developing a structured argument that opposes the notion that income should be the primary concern when choosing a career.
coherence cohesion
Your essay effectively uses paragraphs to organize ideas, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument.
task achievement
The example from Iran adds relevance and supports your argument, illustrating the importance of choosing a career based on interest and not just income.