IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The crime rate among teenagers has increased dramatically in many countries. Discuss some possible reasons for this increase and suggest solutions.

#crime #rate #teenagers #countries
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There can be so many answers in regard
of
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to
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 the possible reasons
of
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for
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crime
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the crime
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 rate increase among young adults in
the
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apply
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modern times. Considering social media as one of the major effectors on the new generation. The normalization of violence that has been shown on very popular platforms
such
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 as Instagram and YouTube, can be one of the main causes of
this
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 outcome.
However
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, with the rapid
raise
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rise
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 of awareness in mental health during the past decade, there are still many people struggling with quite extreme problems
such
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 as unsolved emotional trauma and
such
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, that can lead to illegal acts. Referring to social media again, podcasts about serial killers and similar crimes
has
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have
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 been getting much more attention than before.
Causing
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This causes
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 young adults
specially
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especially
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 teenagers to agree with
such
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 actions and at some points even
growing
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grow
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 a sense of affection toward these criminals and
addressing
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address
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 that as being cool among their age rate. With all that said, I think one of the most effective solutions can be free or accessible mental health services.
As well as
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 continuing
in raising
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to raise
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 awareness, having access to
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this
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these
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 important healthcare services can prevent crimes and murder from happening. Another solution can be limiting and having restrictions for violence
that
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is
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are
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 being shown to the public without any filters. Having unlimited access to various types of media online can cause unpredictable mental problems
specially
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especially
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 for immature individuals. With the fact that
increase
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the increase
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 in crime rate has been happening for a long time now, maybe it’s time to pay more attention to what we put on online platforms and more importantly, the targeted audience.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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examples
To improve your essay, try to provide more varied and specific examples to support your points. While discussing the impact of social media and mental health issues, incorporating specific studies or statistics could make your argument stronger.
development
Your essay has a logical structure, which is good. To enhance it, consider developing your ideas further by adding more depth to the solutions section. Elaborate on how accessible mental health services can be implemented and how violence in media could be effectively restrained.
cohesion
You did well in maintaining coherence throughout your essay. To make it even better, transition smoother between paragraphs using a broader range of linking phrases. This can help in weaving your points more tightly together.
task response
You successfully addressed the task by discussing possible reasons for the increase in crime rates among teenagers and suggesting suitable solutions.
structure
Your introduction and conclusion were well constructed, providing a clear overview and summary of your discussion.
content
Your ideas on the role of social media and mental health in the crime rate among teenagers are relevant and give a good foundation to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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