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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph gives information from a 2008 report about consumtion of energy in the USA since 1980 with projections until 2030.

The graph gives information from a 2008 report about consumtion of energy in the USA since 1980 with projections until 2030.
#information #report #consumtion #energy #usa #projections
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The line graph illustrates the amount of energy consumption in the USA since 1980 with
projections
Use synonyms
 until 2030. Units are measured in quadrillions.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the consumption of six kinds of energy increased generally over the period, but sources most significantly petrol, oil and coal or (fuel).
Firstly
Linking Words
, the number of petrol and oil
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 35
Use synonyms
quadrillion
Change to a plural noun
quadrillions
show examples
 in 1980,
meanwhile
Add a comma
meanwhile,
show examples
 the quantity of coal and natural gas
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 in terms of nearly 16 and 20
Use synonyms
quadrillion
Change to a plural noun
quadrillions
show examples
.
While
Linking Words
 the amount of nuclear, solar and hydropower were just above 4
quadrillion
Use synonyms
, respectively. The
figur
Correct your spelling
figure
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 petrol and oil decreased
slighly
Correct your spelling
slightly
 around 31 until 1985 and it fluctuated just under 34
Use synonyms
quadrillion
Change to a plural noun
quadrillions
show examples
 till 1995.
Then
Linking Words
 there was a dramatic increase to just under 50
quadrillion
Use synonyms
 since 1995 with
projections
Use synonyms
 until 2030. In 1985, natural gas and coal observed a minimal decrease and increase of approximately 16 and just below 17, respectively. After
which
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
, the quantity of oscillation
substantially
Add a missing verb
was substantially
show examples
 between 17 and 23 from 1990 to 2015. Following that,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
coal rose significantly to nearly 30
quadrillion
Use synonyms
 since 2015 with
projections
Use synonyms
 until 2030,
while
Linking Words
 natural gas stayed constant. With regard
as
Change preposition
to
show examples
 nuclear, solar,wind and hydropower went up slightly to just over 5
quandrillion
Correct your spelling
quadrillion
 between 1980 and 1990. After that, the nuclear climbed gradually to roughly 7
quandrillion
Correct your spelling
quadrillion
 from 1990 to 2030.
Then
Linking Words
 the solar and hydropower oscillated between 5 and 3 from 1990 to 2010. Following that, they
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
stood steady by nearly 4
quadrillion
Use synonyms
 since 2010 with
projections
Use synonyms
 until 2030.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words projections, quadrillion with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "just under" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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