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Band 5.5

In many countries, the number of animals and plants is declining. Why do you think is happening? How can this issue be solved?

#countries #animals #plants
There is a controversial conception heating a debate over the
exponentially
Change the adverb
exponential
show examples
 decrease of fauna and flora in a wide range of countries. In my opinion, there are numerous reasons for the drop of animals and plants, but the most remarkable
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 deforestation and climate change.
First,
the alarming issue of deforestation is pushed closer to the brink of extinction
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 animals and plants.
This
 causes a reduction of natural habitat for wild animals and a single wild
species
 is missing in the ecosystem.
Moreover
, every year people are cutting down trees to build houses,
clear
Correct word choice
and clear
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 space for farming
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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reduces
Wrong verb form
reducing
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 its population sharply.
For instance
, in the Amazon rainforest, a large area of land is cleared to make way for palm oil plantations, people cut down the trees, and the vegetation is
then
 burned to clear the land quickly, which
led
Wrong verb form
leads
show examples
 to a sharp fall in living
species
.
Furthermore
, the world’s temperature has sharply increased, which saw a decrease in flora populations or even their extinction. And the explanation is that climate change can alter ecosystems and habitats, making them less suitable for certain
species
. Rising temperatures, changing precipitation patterns, and shifts in seasons can disrupt the availability of food, water, and shelter, leading to habitat loss.
For example
, melting polar ice caps threaten the habitat of polar bears and other Arctic
species
Hence
, to address these alarming problems, the government should enact laws to protect wildlife and plants, as they play a crucial role in preventing deforestation,
while
also
 encouraging citizens to collectively engage in tree planting to safeguard forests and the environment.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

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Task Achievement
Expand your conclusion to provide more detailed solutions or reflections.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structure more to add complexity and flow to your writing.
Task Achievement
Be cautious with generalizations and aim to specify which countries or regions you are referring to for a more grounded argument.
General Advice
Remember to proofread for minor errors in spelling, punctuation, and grammar.
Introduction
You provided a clear introduction that set up the topic and your thesis effectively.
Supporting Examples
You used relevant examples to support your points, such as deforestation in the Amazon.
Coherence and Cohesion
Good use of topic sentences to introduce each paragraph, helping the reader follow your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • ecosystem
  • urbanization
  • deforestation
  • agricultural expansion
  • pollution control
  • greenhouse gas emissions
  • renewable energy
  • sustainable practices
  • overexploitation
  • invasive species
  • conservation
  • quarantine measures
  • eradication programs
  • public awareness campaigns
  • habitat destruction
  • climate change
  • natural habitats
  • species decline
What to do next:
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