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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows four countries of residence of overseas students in Australia. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows four countries of residence of overseas students in Australia. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The line chart compares the
number
Use synonyms
 of foreign
students
Use synonyms
 who travelled from four different countries to Australia from 1982 to June 20th
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2000.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that the
number
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
 had
an upward trends
Correct the article-noun agreement
an upward trend
upward trends
show examples
 and Indonesia had the highest
number
Use synonyms
 of immigrants among the others. At the outset of
period
Add an article
the period
show examples
, Malaysian
students
Use synonyms
 occupied the largest
number
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
 in Australia, which
begin
Wrong verb form
began
show examples
 with under ten
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
 and reached
to
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apply
show examples
approximately nine
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
 in 1983.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the other three nations sent less than 5000
students
Use synonyms
. In 1987, Hong Kong had a dramatic increase and reached
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 peak (9000) in 1992,
while
Linking Words
 Malaysia remained steady. During the era, Singapore and Indonesia experienced
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
steady growth. In 1994, three countries except Singapore had
same
Change the article
a same
the same
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
 in Australia. After 1994, Indonesia skyrocketed in the
number
Use synonyms
 of educational tourists and reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
25000 but saw a decline
at the end
Linking Words
 of the era. Malaysia and Hong Kong reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
nearly 18000 after some fluctuation. Singapore had a steady growth and
finally
Linking Words
 stood
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 20000.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, students with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 4 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • overseas students
  • country of residence
  • main features
  • comparison
  • patterns
  • trends
  • economic factors
  • education quality
  • cultural ties
  • shift
  • anomalies
  • data
  • highest number
  • lowest number
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