IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. why might this be in case

#countries #home #people #be #case
In some countries, nowadays, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people because the rent they pay could actually be used to buy a
house
,
while
 it could
also
 be a big debt if they couldn’t manage their
money
 well. One of the goals of many adults is to own their own
house
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because if they continue to pay
money
 for renting the
house
 for a long time, they could actually have bought the
house
 with that
money
, perhaps in the same amount of time. In
future
Add a comma
future,
show examples
 the
house
 that they could have bought could
also
 have made a profit for them if they wanted to sell it or it could
also
 be given to their children too
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 so that their children don’t need to worry so much about paying for somewhere to live. Some people
also
 think that if they have their own
house
 it will help them to be seen as more trustworthy within their society.
Although
 buying a
house
 has a lot of benefits, it can sometimes be negative at the same time, especially if people have trouble managing their
money
, because it is not only the cost of the
house
 that they have to pay for, but there are a lot of important
money
-related factors that they have to consider (like what??). If they don't make a good plan to buy their own
house
 they could face having a big debt and
further
 financial problems.
Submitted by np.napatping on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Including specific examples and further explanation about the negative impacts of buying a house would strengthen your argument and make your essay more comprehensive.
task achievement
Consider exploring both sides of the argument more evenly to provide a balanced viewpoint.
coherence and cohesion
Work on linking your ideas more clearly and use a wider range of cohesive devices to enhance flow and coherence.
coherence and cohesion
Try to conclude your essay more effectively by summarizing your main points and stating your overall opinion clearly.
task achievement
You effectively demonstrate the importance of home ownership and its perceived benefits.
task achievement
Good use of examples to support your main points about the advantages of owning a home.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay follows a logical structure, making it easier to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: