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Band 2.5

Prison is the common way in most countries to solve the problem of crime. However, a more effective solution is to provide people a better education. Do you agree or disagree?

#prison #countries #crime #people #education
It is thought by
people
 around the world
the
Correct word choice
that the
show examples
 number of countries
crime
 of
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
 to solve is the common way
this
Change preposition
to this
show examples
 jailhouse .
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 a
more
Correct word choice
better
show examples
 solution is to support
people
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
throughout
Change preposition
through
show examples
teaching a better
education
 .In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 disagree that it is not good to educate
people
 in prison. On the one hand,
people
 who commit
a criminals
Correct the article-noun agreement
criminals
a criminal
show examples
 should be punished by keeping
in
Correct pronoun usage
them in
show examples
 jail.Especially
people
 are imprisoned for various reasons.If lawbreakers are kept in jail by governments ,
among
Change preposition
apply
show examples
 the
people
 could be decreased or reduced level of
offenses
Change the spelling
offences
show examples
.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
 it is prison
most
Change preposition
in most
show examples
 countries to solve the problem of
crime
,but many
people
 disagree on
this
 issue ,it is not for nothing that
crime
 never goes unpunished.
On the other hand
 As far as I know
education
 changes
people's
Change noun form
people
show examples
 worldwide and develops their minds.I want to tell
people
 that fighting
crime
 is wrong but doing everything without marriage is wrong and can lead to negative consequences.
Additionally
Add a comma
Additionally,
show examples
 the possession of certain qualifications through fundamental
education
 like vocational training could secure a person's stable life ,which would dispel any ideas of
commiting
Correct your spelling
committing
 crimes. In conclusion , I believe that if it is taken from the point of view of
education
 , It will solve all the problems in different ways.
Submitted by soglomovsarvar on

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Introduction
Try to clarify your stance at the beginning clearly; this helps the reader understand your position from the start.
Body paragraphs
Use concrete examples to support your ideas. Vague statements reduce the impact of your argument.
Cohesion
Work on creating clearer, more logical connections between sentences and paragraphs for better flow.
Grammar & Cohesion
Avoid grammatical errors and ambiguous expressions, as they can confuse the reader. Consider practicing sentence structure and coherence.
Conclusion
Ensure your conclusion succinctly summarizes your viewpoint and the main reasons behind it.
Balanced View
You made an effort to address both sides of the argument, which is good practice.
Understanding of Topic
Your essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic and attempts to discuss relevant issues.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • tackles root causes
  • preventative approach
  • critical thinking
  • decision-making skills
  • recidivism rates
  • equipping
  • socio-economic benefits
  • underlying factors
  • poverty
  • ignorance
  • lack of opportunities
  • rehabilitation
  • ineffective
  • higher rates of re-offending
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