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Band 2

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged others believe that children .Who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and and give your own opinion.?

#people #sense #competition #children #co-operate #adults
In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 there is no age limit for working with my wife and doing anything else
,
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apply
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because even if she has good
knowledge
 ,she can co-operate with him. On the one hand ,As far as I
know
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know,
show examples
 the number of educated people around the
world
 is increasing.I think
this
 is one of the good results
,
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apply
show examples
 because even if you look at it from all sides, you can speak in
this
 sense.Nowadays people with good
knowledge
 can work everywhere
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because the state hires people with
knowledge
 in any job
and
Correct word choice
apply
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even if they say they will
co -operate
Correct your spelling
co-operate
show examples
.
On the other hand
,Nowadays everyone is getting married but they are mistaken, thinking that everything has changed by itself ,because of course today
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
children are rarely able to change for the better ,because they choose a different path,
while
 others follow the path of
knowledge
 .
Moreover
 ,in the whole
world
Add a comma
world,
show examples
 if you work on one thing, you can do everything it is said that you will achieve. In conclusion
is that
Verb problem
,
show examples
 everyone in
this
world
 should not sleep to get rich from each other,because everyone wants to get rich ,but there are too many riches in the
world
.
Submitted by soglomovsarvar on

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Task Response
Focus on the essay question and make sure your argument directly addresses the prompts.
Task Response
Be sure to introduce both views before stating your own opinion to fully respond to the essay question.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use clear and distinct paragraphs to organize your ideas, ensuring each paragraph has a single main idea that is supported with examples or explanations.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on creating a coherent argument by linking your ideas logically and making sure your conclusion summarizes your main points effectively.
Task Response
Attempts to engage with the task.
Coherence and Cohesion
Some effort to organize ideas, though improvement is needed.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • compete
  • cooperate
  • useful
  • adults
  • skills
  • motivation
  • drive
  • resilience
  • failure
  • workplace
  • empathy
  • social skills
  • reduce
  • stress
  • pressure
  • balanced
  • approach
  • ideal
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