We live in a a world of technology these days, while the internet brings with it clear advantages, the problems in terms of control and security of information outweighs the advantages. To what extent do you agree?

#world #technology #internet #terms #control #security #information

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In today’s globalised world technology deeply influences our lives. Some people consider that modern tools make easier our life,

while

others believe using the

internet

is dangerous

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

because our information can be stolen. Personally, I do not agree with

this

statement and in

this

essay

Add a comma

essay,

show examples

I will explain my point of view. On the one hand, the

internet

help

Change the verb form

helps

show examples

us to communicate with each other all around the world. We can learn different cultures and languages by using social networks.

Moreover

last

decades

internet

help

Wrong verb form

has helped

show examples

us to solve our problems without going out. We can pay our bills, use e-library,

can

Verb problem

apply

show examples

solve bank issues,

take

Correct word choice

and take

show examples

online courses.

For example

, I take online English

course

Fix the agreement mistake

courses

show examples

after work and I can spend more time with

family

Correct pronoun usage

my family

show examples

On the other hand

, some claim that

Correct article usage

the internet

show examples

internet

Add a verb

internet is

internet was

show examples

not safe for people. Hackers can capture our personal information.

For instance

, phishing, hacking, malware and other cybercrime can be harmful

for

Change the preposition

show examples

people.

According to

some

internet

users, many social networks

such

as Facebook, Twitter and others pick our personal

datum

Fix the agreement mistake

data

show examples

and

afterwards

Add a comma

afterwards,

show examples

these information

Change the determiner

this information

show examples

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

used against us.

To sum

Add a comma

up,

show examples

all mentioned above thanks to

Add an article

the internet

show examples

internet

Capitalize word

Internet

show examples

we solve our problems.

In contrast

, some do not agree that

internet

Correct article usage

the internet

show examples

makes

easier

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

our life and claim it

dangerous

Add a missing verb

is dangerous

show examples

for our lives.

Submitted by nargiz.nagiyeva0101 on Sat May 11 2024

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Task Achievement

While your essay introduces a clear point of view and provides examples to support your arguments, working on developing your ideas more fully could enhance clarity and depth. Try to elaborate on how these examples specifically support your stance.

Coherence & Cohesion

To improve the coherence of your essay, consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly, and pay attention to paragraph structuring to enhance logical flow.

Coherence & Cohesion

Review and vary your sentence structures for a more sophisticated writing style, aiming for a balance between simple and complex sentences. This would not only improve readability but also showcase your language proficiency.

Task Achievement

You have effectively used a mix of general and specific examples to illustrate your points, which strengthens your argument.

Coherence & Cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion are clearly defined, which helps frame your essay effectively.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

213 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

global connectivity
digital banking
cybersecurity
data protection
security breaches
cyber attacks
online transactions
digital divide
surveillance
freedom of information
responsible usage
ethical considerations
digital footprints
online behavior
information inequality

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We live in a a world of technology these days, while the internet brings with it clear advantages, the problems in terms of control and security of information outweighs the advantages. To what extent do you agree?

Word Count

There is no doubt that globalisation has benefited the world by bringing together people, business and nations. People who criticise it stand in the way of progress. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Public celebrations( such as national days, festivals, etc) are held in most countries. Theses are often quite expensive and some people say that governments should spend money on more useful things Do you agree or disagree?

some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. otehrs argie that it is better to try and improved such situation. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

31.Some people say that too much time and resource are spent on the protection of wild animals and birds. To what extend do you agree or disagree?