We live in a a world of technology these days, while the internet brings with it clear advantages, the problems in terms of control and security of information outweighs the advantages. To what extent do you agree?
In today’s globalised world technology deeply influences our lives. Some people consider that modern tools make easier our life,
while
others believe using the internet
is dangerous,
because our information can be stolen. Personally, I do not agree with Remove the comma
apply
this
statement and in this
essay
I will explain my point of view.
On the one hand, the Add a comma
essay,
internet
help
us to communicate with each other all around the world. We can learn different cultures and languages by using social networks. Change the verb form
helps
Moreover
, last
decades internet
help
us to solve our problems without going out. We can pay our bills, use e-library, Wrong verb form
has helped
can
solve bank issues, Verb problem
apply
take
online courses. Correct word choice
and take
For example
, I take online English course
after work and I can spend more time with Fix the agreement mistake
courses
family
.
Correct pronoun usage
my family
On the other hand
, some claim that Correct article usage
the internet
internet
not safe for people. Hackers can capture our personal information. Add a verb
internet is
internet was
For instance
, phishing, hacking, malware and other cybercrime can be harmful for
people. Change the preposition
to
According to
some internet
users, many social networks such
as Facebook, Twitter and others pick our personal datum
and Fix the agreement mistake
data
afterwards
Add a comma
afterwards,
these information
Change the determiner
this information
are
used against us.
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
To sum
up
all mentioned above thanks to Add a comma
up,
Add an article
the internet
internet
we solve our problems. Capitalize word
Internet
In contrast
, some do not agree that internet
makes Correct article usage
the internet
easier
our life and claim it Correct word choice
apply
dangerous
for our lives.Add a missing verb
is dangerous
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Task Achievement
While your essay introduces a clear point of view and provides examples to support your arguments, working on developing your ideas more fully could enhance clarity and depth. Try to elaborate on how these examples specifically support your stance.
Coherence & Cohesion
To improve the coherence of your essay, consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly, and pay attention to paragraph structuring to enhance logical flow.
Coherence & Cohesion
Review and vary your sentence structures for a more sophisticated writing style, aiming for a balance between simple and complex sentences. This would not only improve readability but also showcase your language proficiency.
Task Achievement
You have effectively used a mix of general and specific examples to illustrate your points, which strengthens your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clearly defined, which helps frame your essay effectively.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.
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