IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think is a positive or a negative development?

#people #health #alternative #medicines #treatments #doctor #development
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The traditional
Correct article usage
Traditional
show examples
medicine
 has had a crucial impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 our societies, and our quality of life has been improved by executing cutting-edge diagnosis techniques and
treatments
.
However
, many people
has
Change the verb form
have
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 replaced
to visit
Verb problem
apply
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their usual doctor
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
 alternative and
non-evidence based
Add a hyphen
non-evidence-based
show examples
medicine
. I think that both sides have advantages and disadvantages. In
this
 essay, I will explain my reasons in detail. To start with, 'based-evidence
medicine
' is a term that was adopted many centuries ago
due to
 the
neccesity
Correct your spelling
necessity
 of finding explanations and
creatining
Correct your spelling
creating
 procedures in order to alleviate and cure illnesses that caused many deaths,
such
 as Yellow Fever,
Malarya
Correct your spelling
Malaria
, Influenza, etc.
For
this
 reason,
treatments
 that have been invented are based on their specific pathophysiological mechanisms
as well as
 big-scale research done in the population.
For example
, the COVID-19 disease, which started in 2019, had unknown physiological processes that were elucidated, and
then
 most of the directed
treatments
 reduced mortality and morbidity, namely mechanical ventilation,
corticosterioids
Correct your spelling
corticosteroids
, antibiotics, and antivirals.
Conversely
, aboriginal and traditional theories have been supported by our ancestors
as well as
 they have been inherited generation by generation, many people still believe in
treatments
 and preventive measures that have no scientific evidence,
such
 as the importance of avoiding
to eat
Change the verb form
eating
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sweet
Fix the agreement mistake
sweets
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 before
the
Correct article usage
apply
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breakfast in order to reduce the contagious risk of gastrointestinal parasites.
Besides
, there are other types of techniques that have been proposed, exemplified by
The
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Acupuncture.
This
 is a widely used Chinese tool that has been implemented not only to relieve pain and stress but to
cure
Correct pronoun usage
cure it
show examples
.
Then
,
this
 technique has been catapulted into the new generations.
To sum up
,
medicine
 either traditional or alternative
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 been crucial in the improvement of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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life expectancy in societies.
Then
, both should be recognized and their techniques must be carefully completed.
Submitted by luciaagudelomotta on

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Task Achievement
Ensure that your main points are consistently supported by specific examples or evidence. While your essay includes examples, further detail or elaboration on these can strengthen your argument.
Language Accuracy
Review and correct grammatical errors and ensure consistent verb tense usage to improve clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance coherence, make smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas. Using linking phrases effectively can help achieve this.
Task Achievement
Consider exploring both views more evenly to fully address the essay prompt. This balance allows for a more comprehensive discussion on the subject.
Introduction
You have effectively introduced the topic and presented an overview of both sides of the argument, setting a clear stage for your discussion.
Subject Understanding
Your essay demonstrates a good grasp of the subject matter, showing awareness of both traditional and alternative medicines.
Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points, reinforcing the balance between traditional and alternative medicine views.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
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