IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#countries #service #men #school #idea #system #women
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It is a well-established fact that a
lot
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 of
countries
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 throughout the world made military service mandatory for men, and
due to
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this
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reason
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reason,
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 some
people
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 agree with the idea that other
countries
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 should
also
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, adopt
this
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 system not just for men, but
also
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 for women. I personally disagree with
this
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 idea. There are two principal reasons for
this
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. One point which I think
to be
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is
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 absolutely pivotal is the fact that there are a
lot
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 of
people
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that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 want to serve
to
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apply
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their country voluntarily, and they are ready to dedicate their
life
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lives
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 to
military
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the military
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. And because of it those
people
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 undergo a
lot
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 of
trainings
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training
pieces of training
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 and spend years in order to be useful
for
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to
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 their
countries
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.
As a result
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, in my
opinion
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opinion,
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 there is no reason for regular young
people
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 to serve in the military after finishing school. Adding
further
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 credibility to the statement
bring
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brings
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to
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apply
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an idea of the fact that there are
people
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that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 want to continue their university studies immediately after school.
Therefore
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, going to the military will postpone their plans.
Also
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, it is worth mentioning that military training will not benefit
this
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 kind of
people
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 at all. Turning to the other point of the argument, military trainings usually help
people
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 to improve their character. And they become way more capable and mentally strong. What I mean by
this
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 is that being mentally strong can benefit
people
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 a
lot
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 throughout their
life
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lives
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, including their
career
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careers
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 and personal
life
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lives
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. In conclusion, by taking into account all the above-mentioned facts, I once again reaffirm my position that
countries
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 should not send younger
people
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 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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military
trainging
Correct your spelling
training
 after school.
Submitted by Ayan on

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Task Response
While your essay provides a clear position and the structure supports this position effectively, including more diverse and specific examples to support your arguments would strengthen your essay significantly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider diversifying your sentence structures and connectors to enhance the flow of your essay, making your argument more engaging and easier to follow.
Introduction and Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are effectively structured, providing a clear overview and summary of your argument.
Logical Structure
You have a logical structure that ensures your essay is easy to follow, supporting your main points in a coherent manner.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Compulsory
  • Military service
  • Conscription
  • Patriotism
  • National security
  • Social equality
  • Discipline
  • Physical fitness
  • Life skills
  • Job training
  • Infringement
  • Conscripts
  • Gender equality
  • Mandatory
  • Economy
  • Education system
  • Labor market
  • Civil service
  • Alternative forms
  • Balanced view
What to do next:
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