Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
It is a well-established fact that a
lot
of countries
throughout the world made military service mandatory for men, and due to
this
reason
some Add a comma
reason,
people
agree with the idea that other countries
should also
, adopt this
system not just for men, but also
for women. I personally disagree with this
idea. There are two principal reasons for this
.
One point which I think to be
absolutely pivotal is the fact that there are a Change the verb form
is
lot
of people
that
want to serve Correct pronoun usage
who
to
their country voluntarily, and they are ready to dedicate their Change preposition
apply
life
to Fix the agreement mistake
lives
military
. And because of it those Add an article
the military
people
undergo a lot
of trainings
and spend years in order to be useful Change the wording
training
pieces of training
for
their Change preposition
to
countries
. As a result
, in my opinion
there is no reason for regular young Add a comma
opinion,
people
to serve in the military after finishing school.
Adding further
credibility to the statement bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
to
an idea of the fact that there are Change preposition
apply
people
that
want to continue their university studies immediately after school. Correct pronoun usage
who
Therefore
, going to the military will postpone their plans. Also
, it is worth mentioning that military training will not benefit this
kind of people
at all.
Turning to the other point of the argument, military trainings usually help people
to improve their character. And they become way more capable and mentally strong. What I mean by this
is that being mentally strong can benefit people
a lot
throughout their life
, including their Fix the agreement mistake
lives
career
and personal Fix the agreement mistake
careers
life
.
In conclusion, by taking into account all the above-mentioned facts, I once again reaffirm my position that Fix the agreement mistake
lives
countries
should not send younger people
to the
military Correct article usage
apply
trainging
after school.Correct your spelling
training
Submitted by Ayan on
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Task Response
While your essay provides a clear position and the structure supports this position effectively, including more diverse and specific examples to support your arguments would strengthen your essay significantly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider diversifying your sentence structures and connectors to enhance the flow of your essay, making your argument more engaging and easier to follow.
Introduction and Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are effectively structured, providing a clear overview and summary of your argument.
Logical Structure
You have a logical structure that ensures your essay is easy to follow, supporting your main points in a coherent manner.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.