People are responsible for their happiness. Others feel happiness depends on other factors in their life. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

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While
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many believe that people are responsible for their own
happiness
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,
others
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argue that
hapiness
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happiness
relied
Wrong verb form
relies
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on
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others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
factors in their life. Both
point
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points
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of
views
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view
show examples
and
Add an article
the reason
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reason
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reasons
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why I believe the former statement will be elaborated on in
this
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essay.
To begin
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with, it might be sensible for some to believe that we should take care of our own
happiness
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.
This
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is
possibly
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possible
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because
happiness
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derived from ourselves is considered
as
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apply
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pure which
generally
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is generally
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a way of thinking either
positive
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positively
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thinking or
to overcome
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overcoming
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any obstacle. Take self-love,
For example
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: people nowadays
emphasis
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emphasise
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more on self-love
idea
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ideas
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to
built
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build
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up one's joy that
make
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makes
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them satisfied. Many opponents of
this
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idea might
oppose
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argue
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that
happiness
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may derived from
an
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apply
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external factors
such
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as fame, wealth,
acceptance
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and acceptance
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. In
this
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respect
, .
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,
.
show examples
For example
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, people
pleaser
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pleasers
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will do anything to
satisfied
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satisfy
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others
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so that they can gain acceptance and
the
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apply
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respect from
others
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which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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them happy.
However
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, I personally argue in favour of self-oriented
happiness
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seeing that
its
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it
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prevent
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prevents
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us from being jealous.
To simply
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Simply
show examples
explain, if we lingered our joy on
others
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such
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as wealth or fame, we could never satisfied with
ourselve
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ourselves
as the more we gain the more we
happier
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are happier
show examples
. But what if things
are not goes
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are not going
show examples
well as we planned?
For instance
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, if we
satisfied
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are satisfied
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with what we already have and not
depends
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depend
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on those
meterials
Correct your spelling
materials
we can feel
the
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apply
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happiness
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of our own. In conclusion,
although
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it is undeniable that
human's
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human
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happiness
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often
depend
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depends
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on other factors than
themeselve
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themselves
can help them strive
more
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for more
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passion, their
self-centered
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self-centred
show examples
happiness
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should not be neglected in order to secure one's self-esteem.
Submitted by kamonluck1999 on

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Introduction
Ensure the introduction clearly presents both views before stating your position. This establishes a solid foundation for your essay.
Supporting Examples
Work on providing specific, detailed examples to support each point of view. This strengthens your argument and provides clarity to the reader.
Paragraph Structure
Maintain consistency in your argument and ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that is elaborated upon. This helps in improving the logical flow and cohesion of your essay.
Accuracy
Be careful with spelling, grammar, and punctuation. While minor errors are tolerable, consistent errors can distract the reader and distort the message.
Understanding of Topic
You've shown a good understanding of the topic by discussing both views and providing a clear personal opinion.
Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the essay, providing a clear stance that aligns with the arguments presented.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Self-reliance
  • Positive psychology
  • Socioeconomic status
  • Well-being
  • Mindset
  • Personal choices
  • Environmental factors
  • Interpersonal relationships
  • Emotional resilience
  • Quality of life
  • Subjective well-being
  • External circumstances
What to do next:
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