Walking is important for health but the number of people walking has reduced. What is the reason of this situation? What can be done to takle the this problem?

Walking is believed to be advantageous for energy,
nevertheless
, there is a decreasing number of
people
walking nowadays.
This
is because , in modern society,
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
show examples
prefer
Add the particle
to
show examples
surf the internet and use high-tech tools to improve their
health
instead
of walking. To deal with
this
phenomenon, the authorities should propagate more about the drawbacks of not walking regularly and encourage residents to use walking
machines
. Some
people
have an unchanged thought that walking takes a lot of their time and makes them feel tired.
This
situation
consequently
appears in hard weather.
For instance
, sitting in a room with
a
Change the article
an
show examples
air-conditioner and surfing the internet is much better than going outside in hot weather for a walk,
this
is a common thought in some
people
. Not only some individuals but
also
whole families agree with
this
idea and have no change in their children's thoughts,
therefore
there have been more and more
people
who are not into walking. And these problems can lead to many
health
diseases
such
as
cardio vascular
Correct your spelling
cardiovascular
show examples
or leg problems. Because of the bad consequences for
health
, the authorities should give more methods to cope with matters. Walking
machines
would be the best solution for those who are interested in doing things indoors. The walking
machines
which are connected to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
electricity have no limit on time use and power,
thus
, it is easier for the whole family to do exercise
as well as
walk at home.
Furthermore
, the authorities should spread more encouragement for the residents to walk because of its bad influence on
health
.
For instance
, advertising the drawbacks of sitting too much or not doing exercise on a wide range of social platforms can help
people
realize the importance of walking and
then
they can have their own methods to solve
this
problem.
To sum up
, walking plays an enormous role in
health
,
hence
, governments should give more motivation for residents to walk more and introduce new walking
machines
at home.
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Style
Your essay has a coherent structure and flows well from one idea to the next, but consider varying your sentence structures more to enhance readability and engagement.
Content
In the development of your main points, strive to include more specific examples and data to strengthen your arguments. While you mention general consequences and solutions, detailed examples would provide more depth to your essay.
Structure
You've effectively introduced and concluded your essay, capturing the essence of the topic. To further improve, ensure your conclusion succinctly summarizes key points and reflects on the topic's broader implications.
Understanding
You articulated the importance of walking and potential solutions to its decline in popularity, demonstrating a strong grasp of the topic.
Critical Thinking
Your suggestions, such as the use of walking machines and increased public awareness campaigns, are practical and thoughtful, showing your ability to think critically about solutions.

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