IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries, secondary schools aim toprovide a general education across a range ofsubjects. In others, children focus on a narrowrange of subjects related to a particular careerWhich do you think is appropriate in today's world?

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It is considered by some countries that
children
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 should be provided a variety of
courses
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 to learn in schools,
while
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 others aim to make
children
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 only focus on several subjects
according to
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 their career goals. In my opinion,
students
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 should take various subjects during school to accommodate to nowadays society. Taking more general
courses
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 has
a
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apply
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plenty of benefits for
children
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.
Firstly
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,
students
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 are more likely to be successful in their careers.
It
Correct pronoun usage
This
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 is because
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
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students
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 can find their strengths and weaknesses in one or more aspects by taking those
courses
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.
For example
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, some
children
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 may not
allergic
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be allergic
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 to
the
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apply
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numbers but
talented
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are talented
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 in arts, so it is
hard
Correct word choice
harder
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 for them to do research in mathematics than in arts.
Secondly
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,
children
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 are able to learn the basic knowledge that
are
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is
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 used in our daily lives, which may decrease the possibility of getting
injury
Replace the word
injured
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 in
lives
Correct pronoun usage
our lives
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.
For example
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
physics
explain
Correct subject-verb agreement
explains
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 how the electric facilities work and it will be extremely dangerous meeting water. If
children
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learnt
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learn
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this
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 knowledge, they will surely
will
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apply
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not contact the charge with wet hands.
Thirdly
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,
students
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 who take more than one core
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courses
Fix the agreement mistake
course
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 can have more opportunities to have a job
in
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apply
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nowadays, because
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
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companies tend to hire employees who have mixed
background
Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds
show examples
.
For example
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, the stock securities prefer those who are both mastered in science and finance.
This
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 means that if
children
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 only take on aspects in school, they are highly
fail
Correct word choice
likely
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 to meet the requirements. In summary, school can enhance the possibility
to
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of
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 success of
students
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, decreasing the potential harms that
children
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 may
concur
Verb problem
incur
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 in normal lives and help
children
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 to get a good job by providing different subjects.

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examples
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grammar & typo
Review your essay for minor grammatical errors and typo corrections to enhance clarity and professionalism.
linking phrases
Consider a more varied use of linking phrases to smoothly connect your ideas and paragraphs, enhancing the flow of your essay.
topic coverage
Well-rounded discussion covering multiple benefits of a broad education system, effectively addressing the essay question.
structure
Clear introduction and conclusion, framing your argument well.
examples
Good job providing relevant examples to support your arguments, enhancing your essay's persuasiveness.
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