Social media is becoming an increasingly large part of people’s lives. What are the effects of the trend? Do you believe this is a positive or negative trend for society? Write at least 250 words
INTERNET
COMMUNTY
IS THE MOST USED PLATFORM IN TODAYS WORLD. SOCIAL Correct your spelling
COMMUNITY
MEDIA
HAS BECOME AN EFFECTIVE WAY OF COMMUNICATING WITH EACH OTHER,
AND FINDING NEW AND OLD FRIENDS. Remove the comma
apply
ALTHOUGH
, THIS
HAS ALOT
OF BENEFITS IN BEING INTERACTIVE, Correct your spelling
A LOT
BUT
IT Remove the conjunction
apply
ALSO
COMES WITH MANY DRAWBACKS SUCH
AS,
RUINING THE INNOCENCE OF Remove the comma
apply
CHILDREN
AND MAKING PEOPLE
BELIEVE EVERYTHING THEY SEE OVER THE INTERNET
DISPLAYS THE TRUTH. IN THIS
ESSAY I WILL EXPLAIN WHY SOCIAL MEDIA
CAN AFFECT THE SOCIETY NEGETIVELY
.
Correct your spelling
NEGATIVELY
FIRSTLY
, THE INTERNET
HAS INFLUENCED YOUNGSTERS SO MUCH THAT, MANY CHILDREN
ARE NO MORE INTERESTED IN NATURE, OR PHYSICAL ACTIVITIES BUT RATHER SPEND ALL THEIR TIME SURFING THE SOCIAL MEDIA
APPS WHICH BRINGS
NO BENEFIT TO THEM. IN 2019, WHEN THE PANDEMIC HIT THE WHOLE WORLD, MANY Correct subject-verb agreement
BRING
CHILDREN
BETWEEN THE AGE
Fix the agreement mistake
AGES
9
-15 INDULGED Change preposition
OF 9
INTO
SOCIAL Change preposition
IN
MEDIA
APPS LIKE TIKTOK WHICH AFFECTED THEM IN THEIR STUDIES AND MADE THEM LOSE THEIR INNOCENCE BY WATCHING INAPPROPRIATE VIDOES
ON THE Correct your spelling
VIDEOS
INTERNET
. FURTHERMORE
, IT NOT JUST
AFFECTS THEIR CHILDHOOD BUT Rephrase
ONLY
ALSO
MAKES THEM DISCONNECTED FROM THEIR SURROUNDINGS WHICH LEADS TO DEPRESSION. IN 2020, MY FRIENDS
BROTHER WHO WAS ONLY 14 YEARS OLD, ATTEMPTED TO COMMIT SUICIDE BECAUSE HE WAS MADLY IN LOVE WITH A CATFISHER ON THE Change noun form
FRIEND'S
INTERNET
. HOWEVER
, IT NOT JUST ONLY RUINED HIS CHILDHOOD, BUT ALSO
MADE HIM MENTALLY UNSTABLE WITH LACK
OF FOCUS Correct article usage
A LACK
IN
HIS STUDIES.
MOROVER, MANY INDIVIDUALS BELIEVE WHATEVER THEY SEE ON THE Change preposition
ON
INTERNET
IS THE TRUTH, WHICH MAKES THEM LACK CONFIDENCE IN THEMSELVES. PEOPLE
ON SOCIAL MEDIA
SHOWCASE THE
VIEWERSChange preposition
TO THE
,
Remove the comma
apply
LIKE
EVERYTHING IS PERFECT IN THEIR WORLD BY POSTING GLAMOUROUS VIDEOS OR HAPPY PICTURES WHICH ONLY Correct word choice
THAT
SHOWS
THE Correct subject-verb agreement
SHOW
POSTIVE
SIDE OF THEIR Correct your spelling
POSITIVE
LIFE
. Fix the agreement mistake
LIVES
THIS
INFACT
, DEPRESSES THE COMMUNITY AS THEY THINK THAT THEIR LIFE IS ONLY FILLED WITH OBSTACLES AND THEY Correct your spelling
FACT
HAVE
ARE UNLUCKY TO BE LIVING WITH Unnecessary verb
apply
SUCH
TRAUMATIC
LIFE. HALF OF THE INDIANS ARE INFLUENCED BY BOLLYWOOD Correct article usage
A TRAUMATIC
CELEBRATIES
Correct your spelling
CELEBRITIES
WHO
THEY SEE ON INSTAGRAM OR FACEBOOK, WHICH FORCES THEM TO BECOME ANOREXIA TO JUST LOOK SLIM AND THIN LIKE THE Change the pronoun
WHOM
CELEBRATIES
. Correct your spelling
CELEBRITIES
THIS
IS HOWEVER
, A DISORDER
CALLED SOCIAL MEDIA
DISORDER
WHICH DEMOTIVATES PEOPLE
ON
BELIEIVING IN THEMSELVES AND Change preposition
FROM
MAKING
THEM AGORAPHOBIC AS THEY THINK THEY ARE NOT BEAUTIFUL ENOUGH TO BE CONFIDENT.
Wrong verb form
MAKES
TO CONCLUDE
, SOCIAL MEDIA
MIGHT BRING PEOPLE
CLOSER TO EACH OTHER, BUT IT ALSO
INCREASES THEIR ANXIETY AND GIVES THEM MENTAL PROBLEMS LIKE ANXIETY DISORDER
OR PANIC DISORDER
. ALTHOUGH
, THE INTERNET
FORUM
Fix the agreement mistake
FORUMS
HAS
Correct subject-verb agreement
HAVE
DEFINTELY
BECOME A VERY IMPORTANT PART Correct your spelling
DEFINITELY
IN
Change preposition
OF
PEOPLES
LIVES, Change noun form
PEOPLE'S
BUT
THE ONLY REASON TO OVERCOME SOCIAL Remove the conjunction
apply
MEDIA
DISORDER
IS TO LIMIT SCREEN TIME AND DO MORE PHYSICAL ACTIVITY LIKE WALKING AROUND THE BEACH OR IN THE PARK. IN ADDITION
, IT IS VITAL TO INTRODUCE CHILDREN
TO NATURE AND KEEP THEM BUSY BY ALLOWING THEM TO MAKE FRIENDS IN PERSON RATHER THAN ON THE INTERNET
TO PRESERVE THEIR INNOCENCE.Submitted by khadiii60 on
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presentation
Try to avoid the use of all caps in your writing as it can make your essay harder to read and can imply shouting. Using standard capitalization will improve the overall readability and presentation.
grammar
Be mindful of spelling and grammatical errors, as these can distract from your argument and make your essay harder to understand. Consider reviewing your essay for common errors such as incorrect verb tenses, singular/plural forms, and punctuation.
coherence
You've done well to structure your essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. To strengthen coherence, ensure each paragraph flows logically to the next. Transition words and phrases can help to connect your ideas more clearly.
content
While providing examples, try to ensure they are directly relevant and clearly explain how they support your main points. This will enhance the effectiveness of your argument.
balanced argument
Engage critically with the essay prompt by discussing both positive and negative aspects of a trend for a more balanced argument, unless the prompt directs otherwise. This allows for a deeper exploration of the topic.
structure
You presented a clear thesis statement and followed a structured format to organize your ideas.
examples
The use of specific examples, like the impact of social media apps during the pandemic, helps to support your points effectively.
conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points made in the essay and reiterates your stance on the topic, which is good practice.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.