IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays governments in many countries spend a lot of money on works of art such as paintings to be displayed in public places. Is this a positive or negative development?

#governments #countries #money #works #art #paintings #places #development
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In recent years, citizens all over the world have an opportunity to enjoy a wide range of valuable pictures and other artworks
while
 visiting public places. I tend to support
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 suggestion that the initiative of the government to invest a considerable amount of money in
this
 innovation is an important and positive strategy, that boosts
local
Correct article usage
the local
show examples
 economy on the one hand and supports artists on the other. First of all, decorating public places with pieces of art,
such
 as
statutes
Correct your spelling
statues
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 and pictures, may attract more tourists to the country and help the economy to thrive. Local businesses supply materials and
labor
Change the spelling
labour
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,
whereas
 restaurants and hotels benefit from visitors. In
this
 case, the income
overweight’s
Change noun form
overweight
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 the costs,
consequently
,
this
 is one of the reasons why supporting art is a good investment and not
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
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 of taxpayer’s money. The second reason is
that
is
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
 can be an effective strategy to encourage talented people to create. By supporting their work, the government cultivates the environment where the next masterpiece appears. The importance of providing professional opportunities to artisans and artists could hardly be overestimated and should definitely be an essential part of a country’s budget.
To conclude
, these days, there has been a growing emphasis on displaying expensive pieces of art in public places. Some may argue that it costs a lot, but I see it as a good investment in both the local economy and the environment, that affords people to create.
Submitted by vikiregev on

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Task Achievement
For a higher score in task achievement, consider providing more specific examples and statistics to support your arguments. This would add depth to your essay, making your points more convincing.
Coherence & Cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, try to vary your linking phrases and paragraph structures. This will enhance the flow and readability of your essay.
Introduction & Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion clearly outline your viewpoint, which is excellent for guiding the reader through your essay.
Supported Main Points
You supported your main points well, particularly with the argument on economic benefits and supporting artists. This strengthens your overall argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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