Today children spend a lot of their free time watching TV Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages of this pratice?

Summer
holidays
play an important role in student’s life. I have decided to do a project on how Zetland
university
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University
show examples
students
usually spend their
summer
vocations
Correct your spelling
vacations
show examples
and found a pie chart containing some interesting data on
this
topic. Below
I
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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I will give my comments on the results of
opinion
Add an article
an opinion
the opinion
show examples
poll. Looking at the main features, I must say that the most popular ways to spend
summer
holidays
among respondents are
traveling
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travelling
show examples
, hiking and working part-time. (39%, 27% and 22% correspondingly). Another striking feature is that studying and participating in voluntary work
are
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is
show examples
less popular among Zetland’s
students
(6% and 6% respectively). Turning to details, it can be seen that the number of people who prefer studying (6%) on
summer
holidays
almost
Add a missing verb
is almost
show examples
seven times less
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
those who prefer travelling (39%). It is
m=not
Correct your spelling
not
surprising as more
students
want to discover new places that get new information. One of the
problem
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problems
show examples
students
can face during
summer
holidays
is not enough money for some activities. To solve
this
problem they should find some part-time
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
. In conclusion, I strongly believe that the best way to
sped
Correct your spelling
spend
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summer
Correct article usage
the summer
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holidays
for university
students
is
take
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to take
taking
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part in voluntary work, because they can help people, make new friends, get new
experience
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experiences
show examples
and share their ideas.
Submitted by viktoria.popova92 on

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Task Response
Focus on directly addressing the essay topic, ensuring all parts of the prompt are covered.
Task Response
More specific examples or data to support points would strengthen the essay.
Coherence/Cohesion
Ensure a clear connection between your introduction and conclusion, particularly in relation to the essay question.
Coherence/Cohesion
Enhance transitions between paragraphs and ideas for smoother flow and stronger cohesion.
Linguistic Range
Good variety of sentence structures.
Content Clarity
Clear main points are made in relation to the pie chart data.
Engagement and Insight
Makes an engaging attempt to relate the findings to broader implications.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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