IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people say that modern technology has made shopping today easier, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #technology
Nowadays, humans created many technologies to make our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 easier because at present people need comfortable things and faster most communities don'
t
 have enough moments to do any relaxed things
such
 as shopping spas picnics etc. In my view,
technology
it's
Verb problem
apply
show examples
makes shopping easier because if I need something but
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 don'
t
 have enough data to go out shopping or those things it's from for abord shopping online is the best answer for me to choose.
As well as
, online payment that makes our life easier because you just have only
smartphone
Correct article usage
a smartphone
show examples
 and pay for everything from your phone even if you go abroad so you can exchange money in any currency. Even so, I think
technology
 makes our life shopping easier
however
, most nations have a different view from me. Like older public who don'
t
 understand
technology
 their use to go to the shopping centres or some older populations don'
t
 have any online society and nowadays most shopping centres have policies for catching less,
Also
, some crowd think that something has to be seen through their own eyes before buying it.
Such
 as clothing, jewellery etc. because if they buy it and when the product has come but they don'
t
 like it
same
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
as they waste money.
However
, I prefer to use
technology
 for shopping just only when I can'
t
 go shopping at the mall or I don'
t
 have enough time to go out.
However
, nowadays the world has much automation to make us easier than past but, at the same point
Add a comma
,
show examples
a lot of people don'
t
 understand machinery which makes them disagree with
technology
.
Submitted by np.napatping on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Structure
Try to structure your essay with a clear introduction stating the topic and your opinion, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion summarizing your viewpoint.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on developing clear topic sentences for each paragraph to guide the reader through your argument.
Supporting Examples
Incorporate more specific examples to strengthen your arguments and make your points more compelling.
Grammar & Punctuation
Mind punctuation and sentence structure to improve readability and ensure your ideas are communicated clearly.
Paragraph Use
Use paragraphs to separate different ideas, ensuring that there is a logical flow from one idea to the next.
Task Response
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views on the topic of technology and shopping, and it provides a personal viewpoint, demonstrating your engagement with the task.
Personal Opinion
You successfully convey enthusiasm for technology's role in simplifying shopping, showing ability to articulate personal opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • online marketplaces
  • mobile payment options
  • personalized advertising
  • accessibility
  • compare prices
  • decision fatigue
  • impulse buying
  • financial imprudence
  • privacy and data security
  • transformed
  • streamlined
  • user-friendly
What to do next:
Look at other essays: