IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Some people believe that it is better to live and work in a vertical city with multiple tall buildings, as compared to a horizontal city with fewer tall buildings. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #work #city #buildings
There are many considerations that people should give priority to residing and working in tall constructions because of their advantages,
while
 others prefer the low ones.
This
 writer agrees with the former and gives some main reasons to explain both views.
To begin
 with, it should be
noticed
Verb problem
noted
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 that a horizontal city has its own benefits in terms of safety and a sense of privacy. To explain, saving people from unpredictable situations is less
challenged
Replace the word
challenging
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 compared to
live
Wrong verb form
living
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 in high
buildings
, preventing them from profound
damages
Fix the agreement mistake
damage
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.
Besides
, low-rise structures seem more firm to withstand natural disasters or extreme ones
such
 as
earthquake
Fix the agreement mistake
earthquakes
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 and
huriccane
Correct your spelling
hurricanes
.
Consequently
, those
buildings
 ensured
the
Correct article usage
apply
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high protection in surrounding areas for
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 to live in.
However
, during the overpopulation period, vertical
buildings
 provide much more accommodation for people to reside and work in. To clarify, the density of the population leads to many considerable problems including housing shortages and the pricey expenditure of owning a place. Skyscrapers offer a highly efficient use of limited urban space, accommodating a significantly larger population within the same land area that low-rise
buildings
 would require.
Thus
, the remaining land can be used for other purposes, improving the living standard and solving considerable issues of the globe.
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Introduction & Conclusion
Make sure the introduction clearly outlines your main points and opinion to give the reader a clear understanding of your stance from the beginning.
Using Examples
Try to incorporate more specific examples and evidence to support your reasoning, as this will help to strengthen your argument and make your essay more persuasive.
Making Opinion Clear
Work on making your opinion more prominent throughout the essay. While you mention your opinion, giving it more emphasis and integrating it more thoroughly with your arguments can strengthen your overall position.
Balanced Discussion
Ensure a balance in the development of both views. The essay leans significantly towards the benefits of vertical cities, which can suggest a lack of fully exploring the comparative advantages of horizontal cities.
Essay Structure
You’ve provided a clear structure that guides the reader through your essay, making it easy to follow your line of reasoning.
Sentence Structure
Using complex sentence structures effectively has enhanced the readability and sophistication of your essay.
Linking Words
You have successfully used linking words to connect ideas and paragraphs, contributing to a cohesive overall text.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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