When choosing a job, while some people think that the salary is the most important thing to be taken into consideration, others have a diverse view. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
It is believed by some
people
that the most important thing to consider when choosing a job
is the money you get paid. While
others believe that there are other things with equal importance such
as passion
and love toward this
career. In my opinion, I think that money is not the key feature to choose work
.
First and foremost, most of
Change preposition
apply
people
go through various paths to choose a particular career to work
on. Starting from high school young adult
begin to figure out what they want to become in the future. Fix the agreement mistake
adults
Accordingly
they place all their dreams and Add a comma
Accordingly,
passion
working
hard to achieve Change preposition
into working
an outstanding grades
to join University and become what they want to be. Correct the article-noun agreement
an outstanding grade
outstanding grades
Therefore
, the majority of those people
choose a certain job
because they love this
and they have a passion
towards this
job
. Doctor Mohamed Ahmed one of the most famous urologist
in Khartoum, Sudan mentioned that Change to a plural noun
urologists
most
Change preposition
for most
of
doctors nowadays their Change preposition
apply
passion
is what drives them to work
and
Correct word choice
apply
although
they do not get paid that much.
Secondly
, what is the second cheif
among Correct your spelling
chief
job
seletion
is the Correct your spelling
selection
work
environment. A healthy work
background encourage
Change the verb form
encourages
people
to work
more with a happy spirit and joy regardless of the the
payments. Remove the redundancy
apply
Nevertheless
, working in a go
environment will reduce the stressful Correct your spelling
good
condition
that can be caused by stressful Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
work
. Furthermore
, alot
of Correct your spelling
a lot
compaines
can pay their employees a good amount of money but Correct your spelling
companies
this
is not enough as they will spend it on treating mental
condition the Correct article usage
the mental
work
has brought. The HR of an American company,
said that recently Remove the comma
apply
people
tend to choose their jobs according to
the friendly environment the company offers rather that
the payment Correct your spelling
than
the
affored.
In conclusion, the vast majority of worker choose their Correct your spelling
they
work
according to
the evironment
the workplace promotes and Correct your spelling
environment
they
Correct your spelling
the
passion
and love they have toward
Change preposition
for
this
work
field.Submitted by safayahia63 on
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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay provides a clear, coherent argument with a logical structure, effectively discussing both views and concluding with your own opinion. To enhance your essay further, consider varying your sentence structures more to demonstrate a wider range of linguistic capabilities.
Task Achievement
You've done a great job of addressing the prompt fully, offering clear and comprehensive ideas supported by relevant examples. Moving forward, enriching your essay with a broader vocabulary and more precise language could elevate your argument's impact and clarity.
Task Response
Your essay excels in presenting a balanced discussion of both viewpoints before articulating your own opinion, demonstrating strong task response skills.
Coherence and Cohesion
Good use of paragraphs to organize your arguments and examples clearly. This makes your essay easy to follow and strengthens your overall coherence.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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