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Band 5.5

Today parents spend little free time with their children. Why is it the case? Who are more affected: parents or children?

#parents #time #children #case
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In
this
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 contemporary era,
parents
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 spend inadequate amount of
time
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 with their
children
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. The reasons behind
this
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 development are various. In my opinion, it has a remarkable impact on both
parents
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 and
kids
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. In
this
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essay
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essay,
show examples
 I intend to explain the reasons and the results of
this
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 trend. The first reason behind
parents
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pass
Verb problem
spend
show examples
 little free
time
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 with their
kids
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 is that some people's
schedule
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schedules
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 terribly hectic. In
otherwords
Correct your spelling
other words
,
parents
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 who immerse themselves in their business have less free
time
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 to spend with their
children
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.
In addition
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, many fathers and mothers are not aware of the importance of family
time
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 and do not have sufficient Knowledge about the benefits of spending
time
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 with their
children
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.
Moreover
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, nowadays, social media has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
contributed to individuals
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
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 less
time
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 with each other.
For instance
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, traditional family games and entertaining activities
such
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 as
story telling
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storytelling
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 have been replaced by numerous amusing social media platforms and video games in people's
pass
Correct your spelling
pastime
show examples
time
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.
This
Linking Words
 development can bring about several negative consequences for both
parents
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 and
children
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. On the one hand, when
parents
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 do not spend enough
time
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 with their
children
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, they
notonly
Correct your spelling
not only
 will not experience
sense
Add an article
a sense
the sense
show examples
 of intimacy in their family but
also
Linking Words
 their emotional bond will not be strengthened.
On the other hand
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,
children
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 will be
also
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 affected significantly. Since
parents
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 are the first individuals who communicate with their
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
, they play a vital role in
children
Use synonyms
's upbringing. So, if the family atmosphere is not friendly and family members do not spend
time
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 together,
kids
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 will make false
friend
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friends
show examples
. In conclusion,
this
Linking Words
 trend that
parents
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 spend
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
little free
time
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 with their
children
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 can stem from different reasons
such
Linking Words
 as being busy and lack of awareness.
However
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, it can definitely influence
parents
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 and
children
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. I hope
parents
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 raise their awareness and spend
time
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 as much as they can with their
kids
Use synonyms
 in the future.
Submitted by momenzade.mahna1999 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
To improve coherence, make sure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas.
Task Achievement
Enhance task response by incorporating a broader range of specific examples and detailed explanations that fully support your main points.
Language
Consider revising minor grammatical inaccuracies and typo errors to enhance the overall clarity and correctness of your essay.
Task Achievement
You effectively addressed all parts of the task, providing both reasons for the lack of time parents spend with their children and discussing its impact.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
Task Achievement
You made a commendable effort to support your main points with examples, though incorporating a wider variety would strengthen your arguments even further.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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