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Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #sense #competition #children #co-operate #adults
vNowadays
Correct your spelling
Nowadays
, some
people
 have various views about whether
children
 should be taught to be competitive or co-operate.
While
 a
sense
 of competition sometimes be useful for life, I believe that a
sense
 of co-operate is more vital for
people
. On the one hand, many
people
tell
Verb problem
say
show examples
about
Change preposition
that
show examples
 being competitive is very important for all
children
 and they always try
encouraged
Change the verb form
to encourage
show examples
 their
children
 with
sense
Add an article
a sense
show examples
 of competition. If
children
be
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
competitive, they always try
being
Change the verb form
to be
show examples
 great
between
Change preposition
with
show examples
 others. These
children
success
Replace the word
succeed
show examples
many
Change preposition
in many
show examples
 things, especially during rivalry with others. If
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 use various games and prizes
for encouraging
Change preposition
to encourage
show examples
children
, they start to feel competitive and they always try to be the first. It
believe
Change the verb form
believes
show examples
 that a
sense
 of competition can help to reach the peak of
specific
Add an article
a specific
show examples
 ability,
also
Correct word choice
and also
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
increase self-confidence
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
children
.
For example
, many
people
 always
encouraged
Wrong verb form
encourage
show examples
 their
children
 with
sense
Add an article
a sense
show examples
 of contention because of many reasons.
On the other hand
,
co-operating
Correct your spelling
cooperating
show examples
 with one another is, in fact, a superpower that challenging
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
 can
makes
Change the verb form
make
show examples
 easier.
This
 situation is about solving difficulties together
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because teamwork enables better
problem- solving
Correct your spelling
problem-solving
show examples
.
Moreover
,
co-operation
Correct your spelling
cooperation
show examples
 enhances personal development as it supplies a range of divergent views. Else,
co-operation
people
 usually be friendly and talkative, because these
people
 always communicate with other
people
For example
,
during
Change preposition
in
show examples
 my
father
Change noun form
father's
show examples
child
Replace the word
childhood
show examples
, he
play
Change the verb form
plays
show examples
 basketball
his
Change preposition
with his
show examples
 team
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
co-operation
 with friends. Now, my dad
co-operate
Change the verb form
co-operates
show examples
 with her colleagues and he
decide
Change the verb form
decides
show examples
 all problems easily with
co-operation
.
Overall
, both
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 pros and cons that help
children
 become more active and valuable,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 teamwork
offer
Change the verb form
offers
show examples
 various advantages
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because it includes fewer negative aspects.
Submitted by soglomovsarvar on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Try to enhance the clarity and structure of your essay by using more specific transition words and phrases. This will help to guide your reader through your ideas more smoothly.
Task Achievement
Work on developing your ideas fully. Supporting your points with more detailed examples and explanations can significantly strengthen your argument.
Grammar/Vocabulary
Be cautious with your grammar and vocabulary choices to ensure your ideas are communicated clearly and effectively. Small inaccuracies can make some sentences difficult to understand.
Task Achievement
Your essay provides a balanced view on the topic, discussing both sides of the argument effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
You succeeded in introducing and concluding your essay in a manner that outlines your overall perspective clearly.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • compete
  • cooperate
  • useful
  • adults
  • skills
  • motivation
  • drive
  • resilience
  • failure
  • workplace
  • empathy
  • social skills
  • reduce
  • stress
  • pressure
  • balanced
  • approach
  • ideal
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