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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the pie chart below shows the online shopping sales for the retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 ans 2013.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features ,and make comparisons where relavent.

the pie chart below shows the online shopping sales for the retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 ans 2013.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features ,and make comparisons where relavent.
#sales #sectors #zealand #ans #summarise #information #features #comparisons #relavent
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The given
pie
Use synonyms
chart
Use synonyms
represent
Change the verb form
represents
show examples
 the online
sales
Use synonyms
 of the retail sector in the
Use synonyms
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 2003 and 2013.From the
pie
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
chart
Add a comma
chart,
show examples
 it is noticed that the online sale is mainly based on four topics. The four
topic
Change to a plural noun
topics
show examples
 that the
pie
Use synonyms
chart
Use synonyms
 focuses on are,
travel
Use synonyms
,
film
Use synonyms
 or
music
Use synonyms
,
books
Use synonyms
 and
clothes
Use synonyms
.From the
pie
Use synonyms
chart
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the
year
Use synonyms
2003
Add a comma
2003,
show examples
 it is inferred that
travel
Use synonyms
 took the major
sales
Use synonyms
 with 36% which is followed by
clothes
Use synonyms
24
Change preposition
at 24
show examples
% and
film
Use synonyms
 and
music
Use synonyms
 with 21%.
Books
Use synonyms
 were sold at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
least 19% in the retail sector in the
year
Use synonyms
 2003. Next,from the
pie
Use synonyms
chart
Use synonyms
 from the
year
Use synonyms
2013
Add a comma
2013,
show examples
 we could notice that
film
Use synonyms
 and
music
Use synonyms
 raised its
sales
Use synonyms
 to the top by 33% and
travel
Use synonyms
 went down second by 29%.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
books
Use synonyms
 which were 19% sold in 2003
was raised
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 to 22% in 2013 and
clothes
Use synonyms
 which were 24% in 2003
daclained
Correct your spelling
decreased
 to 16% in 2013. From the provided
pie
Use synonyms
 charts it can be concluded that there are
quiet
Correct your spelling
quite
show examples
 a few changes in the online
sales
Use synonyms
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
books
Use synonyms
 for retail sectors in New Zealand from the
year
Use synonyms
 2003 to 2013.The
sales
Use synonyms
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
books
Use synonyms
 in both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
years did not show much difference
whereas
Linking Words
 all the other
travel
Use synonyms
,
film
Use synonyms
 or
music
Use synonyms
 and
clothes
Use synonyms
 showed a huge difference in their
sales
Use synonyms
 towards the future.
Submitted by insighttribez on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words pie, chart, sales, year, travel, film, music, books, clothes with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
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