IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Today more and more people want thing instantly (e.g.: goods, service, news). Why is this? Is it appositive or negative development?

#people #e #g #goods #service #news #appositive #development
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It is said that individuals in the current time require the immediate receipt of almost everything, like information and goods. I believe that the unstoppable innovation of technology is the prime reason for
this
Linking Words
 attitude;
however
Linking Words
, it could have adverse effects on human development. It is acknowledged that the constant changes in artificial devices contribute to
this
Linking Words
 development. Previously, ancient
people
Use synonyms
 tended to receive data and news through specific characters,
such
Linking Words
 as mailmen; yet, those who are in the digital era just need one click for all the convenience.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in the past, these
people
Use synonyms
 had to spend about two weeks or possibly up to half of the year;
nevertheless
Linking Words
, it is unnecessary to waste that much time just waiting. The behaviour of
people
Use synonyms
 toward waiting sections,
therefore
Linking Words
, would be affected, leading to a desire for instant products and news. The maintenance of
this
Linking Words
 attitude is no longer a normal sense in society but a bad habit. If it were possible to satisfy
people
Use synonyms
's demands about waiting, they would lose the ability to wait, the foundation of misbehaviour, and the lack of sympathy.
For example
Linking Words
, when
people
Use synonyms
 order any kind of objects, like
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
 or clothes, it is easier to irritate or act intensively if their orders are still on-scale after a period, without the mention of accident feasibility. They,
thus
Linking Words
, could not sympathize for any reason, making it so stressful that the deliverers lost their aspiration to keep moving. In brief,
due to
Linking Words
 the rapid changes and renovation of artificial technology,
people
Use synonyms
 want their time to be wasted, which is a real dilemma for other job careers.
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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay presents a well-structured viewpoint with an introduction, development of ideas, and a conclusion. To enhance coherence, ensure each paragraph smoothly transitions into the next. This can be achieved by using a wider range of linking words or phrases.
Task Achievement
You effectively address the prompt by discussing the reasons for the desire for instant gratification and its implications. For higher scores, ensure each idea is fully developed with more diverse examples and analyses.
General Language
To improve your range of vocabulary and grammatical accuracy, consider varying your sentence structures more and incorporating a wider array of vocabulary. This will make your essay more engaging and demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency.
Content
You've effectively captured the essence of the topic and provided a reasoned argument, which is central to achieving a good score.
Structure
The logical flow of your argument shows a good understanding of how to construct an essay, which bodes well for both coherence and cohesion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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