Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

A lot of nations have made it mandatory for males to join military forces after secondary education. It

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

ought to be an excellent opportunity for all nations around the world to incorporate

this

Linking Words

law for males,

as well as

Linking Words

females. I agree with

this

Linking Words

viewpoint

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

because it would help in the holistic development of young adults and infuse a feeling of patriotism for one's

nation

Use synonyms

. First and foremost,

army

Add an article

the army

show examples

is considered to be a tough job which serves as a building block for shaping

stronger

Correct article usage

a stronger

show examples

mindset and gaining physical strength.

For instance

Linking Words

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

military training is one of the hardest; originally designed to train soldiers for the war and prepare them mentally for all the upcoming

harships

Correct your spelling

hardships

and threats. Their survival skills are strengthened, sustaining brave individuals.

Therefore

Linking Words

, armed forces aid in

Linking Words

overall

Add an article

the overall

show examples

development of young men and women.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, serving

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the

nation

Use synonyms

inculcates a feeling of patriotism among people, so they tend to love their country even more and are ready to sacrifice.

For example

Linking Words

, Koreans respect their

nation

Use synonyms

and culture the most, because of the fact that they are sent to services after high school graduation.

Consequently

Linking Words

, most of these individuals decide to stay in their home country for higher education and serve the community in all aspects.

Thus

Linking Words

, it will lead to positive development of the

nation

Use synonyms

and its economy.

To conclude

Linking Words

, in numerous

countries

Add a comma

countries,

show examples

it is obligatory to join

army

Add an article

the army

show examples

after high school. From my

pespective

Correct your spelling

perspective

, it is a viable option considering its advantages to individuals and respective nations. Not only does it support the holistic growth of young adults before they step out in the world

for attending

Change preposition

to attend

show examples

universities and

seeking

Wrong verb form

seek

show examples

jobs, but

Linking Words

also

Correct pronoun usage

it also

show examples

, benefits the

home-country

Correct your spelling

home country

show examples

in retaining youth.

bidingmehakjotSun Oct 06 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

vocabulary

Consider using more varied vocabulary and less common phrases to further enhance the complexity and richness of your language.

task achievement

Try to develop points with even more depth. For instance, include the potential drawbacks of compulsory service or different perspectives on patriotism.

organization

The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.

logical structure

The points are logically sequenced, making it easy for the reader to follow the argument.

examples

The essay offers relevant and specific examples, which strengthens the points being made.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

287 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

compulsory
military service
young men
adopt
system
patriotism
national unity
responsibility
discipline
individual freedoms
personal choice
skills
training

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5.5
band
Some people in order to illness and disease , government should focus on reducing environmental population and housing problems . To what extent do you agree or disagree ?
In the comtemporary world , the degradation of people wellness is caused by some environmental and housing factors . Many people in society think that the most optimising solutions is concentrate on minimise environmental population and housing problems . While I agree this sentiment to a large extent , I am inclined that compelling outcomes will not be readily evident by simply concentrating on solving environmental contamination and housing challenges.
<4
band
Urban problems Many cities have become less pleasant places to live in recent years. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?
Nodoubt, the issues in cities are increasing day by day due to many reasons. These days, most of the urban areas becoming worse places for living. I will discuss both reasons as well as solutions in my upcoming paragraphs.
5.5
band
Scientists have been warning for many years that to protect the environment, we have to limit the use of energy in a daily lives. Despite warning many people do not attention to this. What are the reasons for this and how can people be encouraged to save the environment?
lthough the public has been alarmed by experts to save the environment as much as theydo, a lot of people do not pay any attention. In this essay, the reasons for this will be illustrated in addition to some solutions in order to be aware of these consequences for humans in the long run.
6
band
It is better for students to live away from home while studying at university than to live with parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There is a strong argument that moving away from parents while getting a university degree can be more beneficial than living with them. While some people believe that it can cause several detrimental consequences, an immense number of individuals do not agree with this statement. From my perspective, I agree with this statement and my inclination is articulated in the ensuing paragraphs.
5.5
band
Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.
Raising a child is a rewarding but difficult task that all parents go through. While school occupies most of a child's day, it is important to take part in extracurricular activities as well.

Some people in order to illness and disease , government should focus on reducing environmental population and housing problems . To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

Urban problems Many cities have become less pleasant places to live in recent years. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

Scientists have been warning for many years that to protect the environment, we have to limit the use of energy in a daily lives. Despite warning many people do not attention to this. What are the reasons for this and how can people be encouraged to save the environment?

It is better for students to live away from home while studying at university than to live with parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.