Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

#countries #service #men #school #idea #system #women

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A lot of nations have made it mandatory for males to join military forces after secondary education. It

Unnecessary verb

apply

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ought to be an excellent opportunity for all nations around the world to incorporate

this

Linking Words

law for males,

as well as

Linking Words

females. I agree with

this

Linking Words

viewpoint

Remove the comma

apply

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because it would help in the holistic development of young adults and infuse a feeling of patriotism for one's

nation

Use synonyms

. First and foremost,

army

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the army

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is considered to be a tough job which serves as a building block for shaping

stronger

Correct article usage

a stronger

show examples

mindset and gaining physical strength.

For instance

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the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

military training is one of the hardest; originally designed to train soldiers for the war and prepare them mentally for all the upcoming

harships

Correct your spelling

hardships

and threats. Their survival skills are strengthened, sustaining brave individuals.

Therefore

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, armed forces aid in

Linking Words

overall

Add an article

the overall

show examples

development of young men and women.

Furthermore

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, serving

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the

nation

Use synonyms

inculcates a feeling of patriotism among people, so they tend to love their country even more and are ready to sacrifice.

For example

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, Koreans respect their

nation

Use synonyms

and culture the most, because of the fact that they are sent to services after high school graduation.

Consequently

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, most of these individuals decide to stay in their home country for higher education and serve the community in all aspects.

Thus

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, it will lead to positive development of the

nation

Use synonyms

and its economy.

To conclude

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, in numerous

countries

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countries,

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it is obligatory to join

army

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the army

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after high school. From my

pespective

Correct your spelling

perspective

, it is a viable option considering its advantages to individuals and respective nations. Not only does it support the holistic growth of young adults before they step out in the world

for attending

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to attend

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universities and

seeking

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seek

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jobs, but

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also

Correct pronoun usage

it also

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, benefits the

home-country

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home country

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in retaining youth.

Submitted by bidingmehakjot on Sun Oct 06 2024

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vocabulary

Consider using more varied vocabulary and less common phrases to further enhance the complexity and richness of your language.

task achievement

Try to develop points with even more depth. For instance, include the potential drawbacks of compulsory service or different perspectives on patriotism.

organization

The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.

logical structure

The points are logically sequenced, making it easy for the reader to follow the argument.

examples

The essay offers relevant and specific examples, which strengthens the points being made.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

287 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

compulsory
military service
young men
adopt
system
patriotism
national unity
responsibility
discipline
individual freedoms
personal choice
skills
training

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Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be compulsory in high school programmes (for example, working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). Do you agree or disagree?