IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that it’s a good idea to socialise with work colleagues during evening and weekends. Other people think it’s important to keep working life completely separate from social life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #it’s #idea #socialise #work #colleagues #weekends #life
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It is believed by a few individuals that it is beneficial to spend time with co-workers apart from office hours,
while
other
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others
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 insist on maintaining a boundary between professional and personal life. I believe that
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the later
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later
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latter
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 is true and
this
 essay delves into the pros and cons of both
the
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apply
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situation
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situations
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.
To begin
, interacting after office timings on either weekdays or weekends gives a personal touch to the relationship among office personnel. People get to know one another on a personal level and understand their needs and wants. Knowing each other at a personal
as well as
 professional level can help workers achieve company targets in a more comfortable way.
For instance
, a recent Sunday
times
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Times
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 article revealed that personal bonding among co-workers improved their
overall
 work efficiency by manifold.
Additionally
, conversing with a superior at a function apart from business hours
,
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apply
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 may fetch personal favours which could provide impetus to your career. Once a friendly relationship is achieved with one’s boss, it could help one evade unnecessary trouble at work.
On the contrary
, I believe that a fine line should always be maintained between professional and personal life. Paying more attention to work may deteriorate
relationship
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relationships
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 in
family
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the family
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. It is more important to spend time with
spouse
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your spouse
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 and children as life without family would be meaningless.
For example
, a survey conducted by a renowned organization showed that overworking was the most detrimental factor causing splits in the household.
Furthermore
, engaging with
firm’s
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the firm’s
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 personnel after job timings
also
 increases stress
level
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levels
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. It is important to take regular breaks, to release unwanted stress
as well as
 recharge yourself.
Hence
, in
the
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apply
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light of the aforementioned argument, mingling with co-workers after duty hours
maybe
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may
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 be beneficial to some extent but it is much more important to give time and space to the loved ones.
Submitted by niravfb1987 on

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Vocabulary and Grammar
Engage more with varied sentence structures and advanced vocabulary to enhance the complexity and accuracy of your writing.
Coherence
While your essay has a clear structure, strive for smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs to improve flow.
Task Response
Incorporate a wider range of examples to support your arguments, drawing from broader sources for a more comprehensive discussion.
Task Response
You effectively discussed both views on the topic, providing a balanced analysis.
Structure
Your introduction and conclusion were clear, directly addressing the essay prompt.
Coherence and Cohesion
You made good use of paragraphs, each centered around a single idea, which contributed to the overall coherence of the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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