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Writing Samples
Band 7

The charts below show the morality rate by age and gender in Africa in 1950, 1980, and 2010.

The charts below show the morality rate by age and gender in Africa in 1950, 1980, and 2010.
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The two charts illustrate the
mortality
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rate
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 by age and gender in Africa in 1950,1980, and 2010. It is clearly seen from the first chart that the
mortality
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rate
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 decreased as time passed. These figures were 83%, 75%, and 70%, respectively. Remarkably, the
mortality
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 of people over 61 years old was higher than all other age groups.
Conversely
Linking Words
, people between 21 and 30 years old had the lowest
rate
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 of
mortality
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 throughout the period, all figures were less than 10%. People in their 40s had the second highest
mortality
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rate
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. From the second chart, it is noticeable that the
mortality
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rate
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 of males was consistently higher than females over the period.
Also
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, the
mortality
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rate
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 from both men and women decreased constantly. The death
rate
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 of men was more than 35% in 1950,
then
Linking Words
 it dropped considerably to less than 25% in 2010.
However
Linking Words
, women's
mortality
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rate
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 declined steadily from 28% in 1950 to 23% in 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
mortality
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rate
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 in all age groups decreased by 2010, and the gap between the
mortality
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rate
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 of males and females narrowed in 2010.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words mortality, rate with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 3 times.
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