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Band 4

the chart below showa the changes that took place in three different areas of crime in Newport city cetre from 2003-2012.

#showa #changes #place #three #areas #crime #newport #city #cetre
The given line graph illustrates the statistics for three types of crime in Newport city centre between 2003 and 2012.
Overall
,
burglary
 crime rates have fluctuated throughout the period,
while
 there was a relatively steady trend for robbery. Now, turning to the details, the number of incidents of
burglary
 rose from about 3500 and reached
peak
Add an article
a peak
the peak
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 at nearly 3700 during 2004.
Then
this
 trend
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
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changed dramatically. It had a downward tendency during the period reached just over 1200 by 2008. After 2008, the crime rate for
burglary
 varied slightly and
at the end
 of the period it arrived at 1500.
On the other hand
, car theft and robbery were not
popular
Rephrase
as popular
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 as
burglary
 at the beginning, which displayed just around 3000 and over 500 respectively. Data on car theft incidents remained constant for 3 years and decreased to nearly 2000 after 2005. From 2006 it
raised
Verb problem
rose
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 with some fluctuations and extended to over 2500
at the end
 of year. For the level of theft from people, it demonstrated stability with mild changes and hit the lowest point at 500 in 2008.
At
Change the preposition
In
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 the end, it extended
at
Change preposition
to
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 just under 600.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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Introduction
To further enhance your essay, consider expanding the introduction to more clearly set the context and intention of your analysis.
Comparative Language
Although your essay does a good job at comparing trends, incorporating a wider range of comparative language could add depth to your analysis.
Conclusion
Your conclusion provides a sum-up of main points, but including a more distinct overall trend analysis or observation could enhance the clarity and impact of your essay's closing.
Logical Structure
Your logical structure effectively guides the reader through the information, presenting data in a clear and organized manner.
Data Support
The use of specific data points to support your analysis strengthens the credibility and specificity of your observations.
Cohesion
Your cohesion is well-maintained, with sentences and ideas connecting smoothly, which facilitates an easy and coherent read.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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