Topic-New technology have changed the way children spend their free time .Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Whether technological improvements transform youngsters'

passtime

Correct your spelling

pastime

or not is an essential issue of public concern and debate.

Although

there are several pros and cons with regard to these changes, I will argue that the merits of the new technology outweigh its demerits. There is a widely held view among people that there are a myriad of drawbacks

Change preposition

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

technology-related leisure activities for children. The chief one might be the

feasibilty

Correct your spelling

feasibility

of the tech addiction which is rooted in some physical and

psycological

Correct your spelling

psychological

disorders.

For instance

, overconsuming personal computers leads to backache, eye strain,

depression

Correct word choice

and depression

show examples

, to name but a few.

In addition

, a

subsequet

Correct your spelling

subsequent

factor might be the danger of age-inappropriate subjects being viral on the net. Through technical

devices

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devices,

show examples

these information

Change the determiner

this information

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are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

accessable

Correct your spelling

accessible

for

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everyone including unsupervised adolescents.

Thus

, their childhood would be harmed altogether. Positive features of

this

content,

on the other hand

, are actually various

due to

the fact that it has become more user-friendly day by day. First and foremost, technology facilitates the way how young people learn cutting-edge skills and knowledge.

This

option

help

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helps

show examples

them to stay alert about

latest

Correct article usage

the latest

show examples

changes.

Moreover

broadening

Change preposition

by broadening

show examples

their horizen, they

are enable

Change the verb form

are enabled

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to communicate with other young individuals beyond geographical

bounderies

Correct your spelling

boundaries

and enjoy their company. Intraction with foreigners is believed to be the most constructive approach to

learn

Wrong verb form

learning

show examples

about other nations and

culturs

Correct your spelling

cultures

that

lead

Correct subject-verb agreement

leads

show examples

to general knowledge

enhancing

Replace the word

enhancement

show examples

Therefore

, there are some potential values in using technological developments which are not replaceable. In conclusion, Despite the possibility of both welcoming and detrimental impacts of the upcoming tech, I argued that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

Submitted by momenzade.mahna1999 on Mon May 13 2024

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Task Achievement

For a more comprehensive response, include a wider range of specific examples and evidence to support your points more effectively.

General

Ensure to proofread your essay for small errors in spelling and grammar to enhance clarity and professionalism.

Coherence and Cohesion

To further improve coherence, try linking your ideas more smoothly between paragraphs with a variety of transitional phrases.

Task Achievement

Your essay presents a well-balanced argument on the impact of technology on children's leisure time, demonstrating clear comprehension of the topic.

Coherence and Cohesion

The introduction and conclusion effectively encapsulate your arguments, contributing to a good logical structure.

Coherence and Cohesion

You have effectively used a variety of sentence structures to articulate your ideas, enhancing the readability of your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

267 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic-New technology have changed the way children spend their free time .Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people think that strict punishment for driving offences are the key to reducing traffic accidents. Others, however ,believe that other measures would be more effective in improving road safety. Discuss both view ad give your own opinion.

some parents, specially mothers stay at home instead working, and some people think that they should receive monetary compensation from the government. Do you agree or disagree.

Public transport should be funded by government so that it can be free for the people who use it. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Music plays a vital role in our country. How much has music influenced the way we think today? What do you think is the key role of music in today's world?