Topic-New technology have changed the way children spend their free time .Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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Whether technological improvements transform youngsters'

passtime

Correct your spelling

pastime

or not is an essential issue of public concern and debate.

Although

there are several pros and cons with regard to these changes, I will argue that the merits of the new technology outweigh its demerits. There is a widely held view among people that there are a myriad of drawbacks

Change preposition

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

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technology-related leisure activities for children. The chief one might be the

feasibilty

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feasibility

of the tech addiction which is rooted in some physical and

psycological

Correct your spelling

psychological

disorders.

For instance

, overconsuming personal computers leads to backache, eye strain,

depression

Correct word choice

and depression

show examples

, to name but a few.

In addition

, a

subsequet

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subsequent

factor might be the danger of age-inappropriate subjects being viral on the net. Through technical

devices

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devices,

show examples

these information

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this information

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are

Correct subject-verb agreement

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accessable

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accessible

for

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everyone including unsupervised adolescents.

Thus

, their childhood would be harmed altogether. Positive features of

this

content,

on the other hand

, are actually various

due to

the fact that it has become more user-friendly day by day. First and foremost, technology facilitates the way how young people learn cutting-edge skills and knowledge.

This

option

help

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helps

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them to stay alert about

latest

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the latest

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changes.

Moreover

broadening

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by broadening

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their horizen, they

are enable

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are enabled

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to communicate with other young individuals beyond geographical

bounderies

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boundaries

and enjoy their company. Intraction with foreigners is believed to be the most constructive approach to

learn

Wrong verb form

learning

show examples

about other nations and

culturs

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cultures

that

lead

Correct subject-verb agreement

leads

show examples

to general knowledge

enhancing

Replace the word

enhancement

show examples

Therefore

, there are some potential values in using technological developments which are not replaceable. In conclusion, Despite the possibility of both welcoming and detrimental impacts of the upcoming tech, I argued that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

Submitted by momenzade.mahna1999 on Mon May 13 2024

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Task Achievement

For a more comprehensive response, include a wider range of specific examples and evidence to support your points more effectively.

General

Ensure to proofread your essay for small errors in spelling and grammar to enhance clarity and professionalism.

Coherence and Cohesion

To further improve coherence, try linking your ideas more smoothly between paragraphs with a variety of transitional phrases.

Task Achievement

Your essay presents a well-balanced argument on the impact of technology on children's leisure time, demonstrating clear comprehension of the topic.

Coherence and Cohesion

The introduction and conclusion effectively encapsulate your arguments, contributing to a good logical structure.

Coherence and Cohesion

You have effectively used a variety of sentence structures to articulate your ideas, enhancing the readability of your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

267 words

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Topic-New technology have changed the way children spend their free time .Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Instead of training a few athletes to win medals at the Olympics, governments should spend the money on programmes encouraging the public to be active and stay healthy. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people say that completing University education is the best way to get a job. On the other hand, other people think that getting experience and developing soft skills are important Discuss both sides and give your opinion

Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today’s world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In the modern era, it is easy to sell, buy and work with others through the internet. But others are against it. Do you think this is a positive trend or a negative trend?