Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.

The majority of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
countries have mandatory military
services
Fix the agreement mistake
service
show examples
for young men after they complete their school. Some feel that
this
would be the best idea for all countries to have
this
system
for men
as well as
women.
This
essay will disagree with
this
statement.
Firstly
it will discuss how
this
system
will affect
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
people
to plan their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.
Followed by
Wrong verb form
Following
show examples
this
it will discuss what are all the problems that can be caused to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. By having
this
compulsory military
service
, the young
people
will
loss
Replace the word
lose
show examples
their independence
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
choosing their own
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.
As a result
of
this
, they will
loss
Replace the word
lose
show examples
their motivation to achieve their dreams.
The
Correct article usage
A
show examples
recent survey has stated that
people
with
motive
Correct article usage
a motive
show examples
to achieve something are more successful in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
when compared to those
people
without motivation. The best example for
this
scenarion
Correct your spelling
scenario
will be my friend named James. He had an ambition to become a Software Engineer, but his parents
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
more
drawned
Correct your spelling
drawn
towards the Military
Service
and wanted him to pursue his
career
in
this
field. Even though he didn't
had
Change the verb form
have
show examples
Correct article usage
an intrest
show examples
intrest
Correct your spelling
interest
in that field, he agreed to join the
service
because of his
parents
Change noun form
parent's
parents'
show examples
wish.
As a result
of
this
, he was unable to adapt to that
enviroment
Correct your spelling
environment
and came back to his home in a couple of
month
Change to a plural noun
months
show examples
.
Every
Correct quantifier usage
All
show examples
students
are not the same, each of them will have different dreams and various goals to achieve.
This
military
service
for young men
system
may be useful for some
people
, but others will not feel the same. The majority of the
students
will feel like they are wasting their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
. Because of
this
, the student will
loss
Replace the word
lose
show examples
the motivation to build their professional life.
As a result
of
this
Add a comma
this,
show examples
the society's economy will automatically be minimized. In conclusion, the majority of the country may adopt
to have
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
military
service
for
students
after school but
this
system
will not
be succeed
Change the verb form
succeed
show examples
. The
students
should have their own
rights
Fix the agreement mistake
right
show examples
to choose their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.
Consequently
, they can reach the highest position in their
career
and the economy of the society will
also
increased
Change the verb form
increase
be increased
show examples
.
Submitted by r.harip3 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure a smoother flow and stronger connections between your ideas. You can achieve this by using varied and more precise connecting words.
Task Achievement
To further strengthen your essay, it's beneficial to explore both sides of the argument before presenting your position. This adds depth to your response.
Task Achievement
Incorporate specific, real-world examples to substantiate your arguments. While you mentioned your friend James, adding statistical data or studies can enhance the credibility of your points.
Introduction
You have a clear thesis statement that sets the tone for your essay.
Conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reiterates your stance against compulsory military service, tying your essay together nicely.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Compulsory
  • Military service
  • Conscription
  • Patriotism
  • National security
  • Social equality
  • Discipline
  • Physical fitness
  • Life skills
  • Job training
  • Infringement
  • Conscripts
  • Gender equality
  • Mandatory
  • Economy
  • Education system
  • Labor market
  • Civil service
  • Alternative forms
  • Balanced view
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