Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

#countries #service #men #school #idea #system #women

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The majority of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

countries have mandatory military

services

Fix the agreement mistake

service

show examples

for young men after they complete their school. Some feel that

this

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would be the best idea for all countries to have

this

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system

Use synonyms

for men

as well as

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women.

This

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essay will disagree with

this

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statement.

Firstly

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it will discuss how

this

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system

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will affect

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

young

people

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to plan their

Use synonyms

career

Fix the agreement mistake

careers

show examples

Followed by

Wrong verb form

Following

show examples

this

Linking Words

it will discuss what are all the problems that can be caused to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society. By having

this

Linking Words

compulsory military

service

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, the young

people

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will

loss

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lose

show examples

their independence

Change preposition

show examples

choosing their own

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career

Fix the agreement mistake

careers

show examples

As a result

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this

Linking Words

, they will

loss

Replace the word

lose

show examples

their motivation to achieve their dreams.

The

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recent survey has stated that

people

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with

motive

Correct article usage

a motive

show examples

to achieve something are more successful in their

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

Remove the comma

apply

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when compared to those

people

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without motivation. The best example for

this

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scenarion

Correct your spelling

scenario

will be my friend named James. He had an ambition to become a Software Engineer, but his parents

are

Wrong verb form

were

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drawned

Correct your spelling

drawn

towards the Military

Service

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and wanted him to pursue his

career

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this

Linking Words

field. Even though he didn't

had

Change the verb form

have

show examples

Correct article usage

an intrest

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intrest

Correct your spelling

interest

in that field, he agreed to join the

service

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because of his

parents

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parent's

parents'

show examples

wish.

As a result

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this

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, he was unable to adapt to that

enviroment

Correct your spelling

environment

and came back to his home in a couple of

month

Change to a plural noun

months

show examples

Every

Correct quantifier usage

All

show examples

students

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are not the same, each of them will have different dreams and various goals to achieve.

This

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military

service

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for young men

system

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may be useful for some

people

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, but others will not feel the same. The majority of the

students

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will feel like they are wasting their

Use synonyms

career

Fix the agreement mistake

careers

show examples

. Because of

this

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, the student will

loss

Replace the word

lose

show examples

the motivation to build their professional life.

As a result

Linking Words

this

Add a comma

this,

show examples

the society's economy will automatically be minimized. In conclusion, the majority of the country may adopt

to have

Verb problem

apply

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

military

service

Use synonyms

for

students

Use synonyms

after school but

this

Linking Words

system

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will not

be succeed

Change the verb form

succeed

show examples

. The

students

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should have their own

rights

Fix the agreement mistake

right

show examples

to choose their

Use synonyms

career

Fix the agreement mistake

careers

show examples

Consequently

Linking Words

, they can reach the highest position in their

career

Use synonyms

and the economy of the society will

also

Linking Words

increased

Change the verb form

increase

be increased

show examples

Submitted by r.harip3 on Mon May 13 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence & Cohesion

Ensure a smoother flow and stronger connections between your ideas. You can achieve this by using varied and more precise connecting words.

Task Achievement

To further strengthen your essay, it's beneficial to explore both sides of the argument before presenting your position. This adds depth to your response.

Task Achievement

Incorporate specific, real-world examples to substantiate your arguments. While you mentioned your friend James, adding statistical data or studies can enhance the credibility of your points.

Introduction

You have a clear thesis statement that sets the tone for your essay.

Conclusion

The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reiterates your stance against compulsory military service, tying your essay together nicely.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
33
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

354 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Compulsory
Military service
Conscription
Patriotism
National security
Social equality
Discipline
Physical fitness
Life skills
Job training
Infringement
Conscripts
Gender equality
Mandatory
Economy
Education system
Labor market
Civil service
Alternative forms
Balanced view

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Your opinion

Nowadays, more and more older people who are looking for work have to compete with younger people for the same job. What problemes does this came? What are some possibles solutions?

Some people think that hard work and determination are the keys to success in life. Some, on other hand, think that there are other factors behind a successful life. Give your opinion.

Some people say that the only reason for learning a foreign language is in order to travel or work in a foreign country. Others say that these are not the only reason why someone should pearn a foreign language. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.