Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

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The majority of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

countries have mandatory military

services

Fix the agreement mistake

service

show examples

for young men after they complete their school. Some feel that

this

Linking Words

would be the best idea for all countries to have

this

Linking Words

system

Use synonyms

for men

as well as

Linking Words

women.

This

Linking Words

essay will disagree with

this

Linking Words

statement.

Firstly

Linking Words

it will discuss how

this

Linking Words

system

Use synonyms

will affect

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

young

people

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to plan their

Use synonyms

career

Fix the agreement mistake

careers

show examples

Followed by

Wrong verb form

Following

show examples

this

Linking Words

it will discuss what are all the problems that can be caused to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society. By having

this

Linking Words

compulsory military

service

Use synonyms

, the young

people

Use synonyms

will

loss

Replace the word

lose

show examples

their independence

Change preposition

show examples

choosing their own

Use synonyms

career

Fix the agreement mistake

careers

show examples

As a result

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

, they will

loss

Replace the word

lose

show examples

their motivation to achieve their dreams.

The

Correct article usage

show examples

recent survey has stated that

people

Use synonyms

with

motive

Correct article usage

a motive

show examples

to achieve something are more successful in their

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

when compared to those

people

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without motivation. The best example for

this

Linking Words

scenarion

Correct your spelling

scenario

will be my friend named James. He had an ambition to become a Software Engineer, but his parents

are

Wrong verb form

were

show examples

drawned

Correct your spelling

drawn

towards the Military

Service

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and wanted him to pursue his

career

Use synonyms

this

Linking Words

field. Even though he didn't

had

Change the verb form

have

show examples

Correct article usage

an intrest

show examples

intrest

Correct your spelling

interest

in that field, he agreed to join the

service

Use synonyms

because of his

parents

Change noun form

parent's

parents'

show examples

wish.

As a result

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

, he was unable to adapt to that

enviroment

Correct your spelling

environment

and came back to his home in a couple of

month

Change to a plural noun

months

show examples

Every

Correct quantifier usage

All

show examples

students

Use synonyms

are not the same, each of them will have different dreams and various goals to achieve.

This

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military

service

Use synonyms

for young men

system

Use synonyms

may be useful for some

people

Use synonyms

, but others will not feel the same. The majority of the

students

Use synonyms

will feel like they are wasting their

Use synonyms

career

Fix the agreement mistake

careers

show examples

. Because of

this

Linking Words

, the student will

loss

Replace the word

lose

show examples

the motivation to build their professional life.

As a result

Linking Words

this

Add a comma

this,

show examples

the society's economy will automatically be minimized. In conclusion, the majority of the country may adopt

to have

Verb problem

apply

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

military

service

Use synonyms

for

students

Use synonyms

after school but

this

Linking Words

system

Use synonyms

will not

be succeed

Change the verb form

succeed

show examples

. The

students

Use synonyms

should have their own

rights

Fix the agreement mistake

right

show examples

to choose their

Use synonyms

career

Fix the agreement mistake

careers

show examples

Consequently

Linking Words

, they can reach the highest position in their

career

Use synonyms

and the economy of the society will

also

Linking Words

increased

Change the verb form

increase

be increased

show examples

r.harip3Mon May 13 2024

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Coherence & Cohesion

Ensure a smoother flow and stronger connections between your ideas. You can achieve this by using varied and more precise connecting words.

Task Achievement

To further strengthen your essay, it's beneficial to explore both sides of the argument before presenting your position. This adds depth to your response.

Task Achievement

Incorporate specific, real-world examples to substantiate your arguments. While you mentioned your friend James, adding statistical data or studies can enhance the credibility of your points.

Introduction

You have a clear thesis statement that sets the tone for your essay.

Conclusion

The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reiterates your stance against compulsory military service, tying your essay together nicely.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
33
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

354 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Compulsory
Military service
Conscription
Patriotism
National security
Social equality
Discipline
Physical fitness
Life skills
Job training
Infringement
Conscripts
Gender equality
Mandatory
Economy
Education system
Labor market
Civil service
Alternative forms
Balanced view

What to do next:

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Your opinion

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Some people think it would be a good idea for school to teach every young person how to be a good parent. Do you agree or disagree with this option ? Describe the skill a person needs to be a good parent.

In many countries, more and more women have full-time jobs as men. There is a logic that they should share the housework equally with men. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some students do very well at school and never have problems while others fall behind. Are they capable of handling this challenge themselves or should teachers and parents help them? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

Directors and leaders of organizations are often older people. Some people say that it is better to have young people as leaders. To what extent do you agree or disagree?