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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The mass media, such as TV, radio and newspapers, have an influence on people, particularly on younger generations. It plays a pivotal role in shaping the opinions of people, especially teenagers and young people. To what extent do you agree with this? Please give examples.

#mass #media #tv #radio #newspapers #influence #people #generations #role #teenagers
In nowadays
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Nowadays
show examples
 social
medias
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media
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 and all the
influencer
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influencers
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 that more powerful for
Correct article usage
the teenager
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teenager
Replace the word
teenage
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 lifestyle
wherether
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whereas
 all the young generations which
apying
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paying
 attention to scolling on platforms that inittialy spending time more than in
the
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apply
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class. On the
otherhand
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other hand
 the mass
medias
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media
show examples
were
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is
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 individually
benefitcial
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beneficial
 for
human
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humans
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 who
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
need to improve their skill and
ability
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abilities
show examples
whereas
people
 to perform respecting each other on
the
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apply
show examples
social media
platform
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platforms
show examples
. I do
agreed
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agree
show examples
 with the topic within crucial reason why that
impact
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impacts
show examples
 to younger genarational lifestyle. First of all,
medias
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media
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such
 as TV, Instagram, Facebook, and
Tik Tok
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TikTok
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. Which is the channel is
significant
Add an article
a significant
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 benefit for those who are attending and participating on their
platform
. Despite that old
fasionade
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fashioned
 whose are not
attemp
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attempt
 on their target and
influnces
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influences
influence
.
In addition
, would say impacting to young
people
 which means it was particularly reaching
on
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apply
show examples
their target.
For example
, those social
medias channel
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media channels
show examples
 put on their marketing and targeting an audience
to
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of
show examples
young
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the young
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 generation rather than old school
people
,
furthermore
 will succeed.
Secondly
, radios and
newspaper
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newspapers
show examples
 used to be popular in the aged whilst humans under development
on
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in
show examples
 technology
such
 as
this
 day.
Nevertheless
,
within
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with
show examples
 changing
time
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times
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 and
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the improvment
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improvment
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improvement
of
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in
show examples
 technology
people
 are aware
on
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of
show examples
 those
broadcast
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broadcasts
show examples
.
For instance
, broadcasting can
be see
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see
show examples
 the movement on the
platform
 and radio and
newspaper
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newspapers
show examples
 can be
hearing
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heard
show examples
 and just
for
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apply
show examples
reading should
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not
impacting
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impact
show examples
 as much as others. To
concluse
Correct your spelling
conclude
, the awareness of mass social
medias
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media
show examples
which
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apply
show examples
broadcasting
the
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apply
show examples
platform
 is still crucial to
Add an article
a teenager
the teenager
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teenager
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teenagers
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 and to younger
people
 who are attending
inn
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in
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 school.
IN
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In
show examples
 my opinion, any kind of
medias
Correct your spelling
media
show examples
 were significant to lifestyle as those
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 are
creating
Wrong verb form
created
show examples
 to broadcast on
th
Correct your spelling
the
platform
.
Submitted by Chaiyapat Soka on

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grammar
Work on improving your grammar and sentence structure to convey your ideas more clearly.
content development
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main point and that your supporting points directly relate back to that main idea.
examples
Use specific examples to strengthen your arguments and make your points more convincing.
structure
You have provided an introduction and conclusion, which frames your essay well.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the tasks from both sides, discussing the influence of various forms of media on young people.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • pivotal role
  • shaping opinions
  • younger generations
  • mass media
  • influence
  • political awareness
  • social behavior
  • norms
  • educational impact
  • consumer behavior
  • advertising
  • purchasing decisions
  • health and fitness trends
  • cultural awareness
  • identity formation
  • biased opinions
  • up-to-date
  • desires and aspirations
  • depict
  • imitate
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