These days, more people are choosing to socialise online rather than face to face. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Nowadays, the majority of
people
prefer to communicate online rather than face to face. It is due to
unaccessible friends in
physically. In my idea, it might be a negative association, because online friends are not reliable. Change preposition
apply
Moreover
, for under ages, people
might be dangerous for many reasons.
These days, some people
prefer to communicate online with their friends. Online communication
provides people
with negative advantages. Firstly
, online communication
is known and people
who socialise from the back of their devices don't have enough information about each other. They might be a person with a dark background (criminal person). Secondly
, online communication
is done mostly from far away with different cultures. Therefore
, they might not respect the culture of each other. As a result
, both sides might insulate each other.
In addition
, online communication
for teenagers might be dangerous. Firstly
, young people
are not enough mature to logically engagement
and consider all aspects of life during association.
Replace the word
engage
Furthermore
, it is probably the opposite side who is known
might want the teenagers' money and put them under pressure. Verb problem
apply
consequently
, online communication
is difficult for all people
and
mostly for the young generation.
Correct word choice
apply
To conclude
, recently some people
want to communicate online rather than physically communicate. It
is because most Correct pronoun usage
This
people
are not face-to-face accessible. I think it has a negative influence on people
associates because they don't know each other.Submitted by hsmkashi on
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task achievement
Your essay introduces an important topic and provides a stance, but further clarity and development are needed. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea supported by detailed evidence. For example, you mentioned that online friends are not reliable and that online communication might be dangerous for teenagers. It would be beneficial to include specific examples or situations to illustrate these points effectively.
coherence cohesion
Try to enhance the logical structure of your essay. Each paragraph should contain a clear topic sentence followed by supporting sentences that develop that idea. Consider using clear transitions to connect your ideas smoothly. For instance, the transition between discussing adults communicating online and teenagers facing their own specific risks could be more distinct.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion should clearly frame the essay and reiterate the main points. Your conclusion touches on why people choose online communication but could be strengthened by summarising the main arguments more effectively and clearly stating your final stance on whether it is a positive or negative development.
task achievement
Be mindful of grammar and vocabulary usage. Some sentences are unclear. For instance, instead of 'Online communication provides people with negative advantages,' consider 'Online communication has certain drawbacks.' Also, avoid generalisations and aim for precise language.
task achievement
Your essay shows a clear understanding of the topic and addresses both parts of the question by explaining why people prefer to socialize online and evaluating the impact of this trend.
coherence cohesion
You made an effort to include different perspectives, such as the potential risks for teenagers and the cultural differences involved in online communication.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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