The relatively recent development of games on phones, computers, and TV consoles is extremely popular with people all over the world. What are the advantages and disadvantages of such electronic games?
Today's virtual world is a worldwide term for everyone, it advanced a lot and it keeps evolving. Now I will try to show my point of view on
this
topic and try to describe my opinions as much as I can.
Nowadays adolescents spend most of their time
on their phones or computers. In some points, it has lots of benefits. The internet is the best way now to make friends from all over the world. Additionally
, children learn plenty of information, examining cultures and traditions from different countries. It is also
useful for learning languages by watching videos or movies. Nevertheless
, electrical devices should be used in a calculated time
period or it can cause issues mentally and physically, especially for children.
Furthermore
, scientists conclude that the children who haven't got enough social abilities or self-awareness,
are the ones who spend their childhood in front of screens. It is very important for every child to make real friends, to do some exercise, and outdoor activities and spend their Remove the comma
apply
time
with their parents. However
, the child who has the opportunity to use electrical devices by himself can't control the amount of time
, which is why parenting is performing the number one role in this
situation.
In addition
, people do not save their time
to lift their heads from these websites and look around closely. From the Stone Age, our ancestors spent their time
in nature, we are a part of nature, but screens do not let anyone recognize where they come from.
All in all, electrical devices have many opportunities for us but we have to control our time
, or we will miss the miserable moments of life.Submitted by i.nureddinn on
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task response
Your essay provides a complete response to the prompt, presenting both advantages and disadvantages of electronic games. However, you need to focus more specifically on the topic of electronic games rather than shifting to a general discussion on the use of electronic devices.
task response
The ideas in your essay are generally clear, but their development could be more comprehensive. Providing more concrete examples related to electronic games will strengthen your discussion.
coherence cohesion
Try to maintain a closer connection between your paragraphs to ensure a well-structured argument. For instance, explicitly linking the advantages and disadvantages discussed could enhance coherence.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion that frames your essay well. This helps the reader understand your main points from the beginning and leaves a solid impression at the end.
task response
You offer valid points about the positive and negative impacts of adolescents using electronic devices and games.
task response
The essay highlights important aspects such as the effect on social abilities and the significance of parental control. This adds depth to your discussion.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.