Some people believe that if a police force carrying guns, it would  cause a higher level of violence in that society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Tody
Correct your spelling
Today
show examples
, a lot of
ploice
Correct your spelling
people
are allowed to work with
guns
in many countries,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
some citizens think that will increase the social
violence
. Personally, I totally disagree
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
version.
First,
according to
strict regulations,
police
cannot shoot easily. Shooting casually will be subject to serious investigation.
For example
, in China, the
police
officer who fired the gun will be suspended from work for more than three months and will be investigated for more than three months. Shooting casually will be sentenced as a criminal offence.
Secondly
, the
police
have received special training. Only in large-scale rebellions and people's lives are threatened by criminals will the
police
shoot.
Therefore
,
due to
various restrictions and special training, the
police
will not shoot at will.
Police
guns
help reduce levels of criminal
violence
. Because
guns
have a deterrent effect, when people in riots see
guns
, they will feel afraid. Fear will make it more difficult for them to commit
violence
. Criminals may
therefore
give up the idea of ​​committing crimes,
thus
reducing the crime rate and social
violence
. In conclusion, strict training and regulations significantly reduce the probability of violent crime. The
police
's
guns
will
also
have a certain deterrent effect and prevent
further
violence
.
Therefore
, I firmly believe that if the
police
carry
guns
, violent incidents in society will decrease and the society will be more harmonious.
Submitted by luohongqianwen on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay could benefit from a more detailed and specific example to support the claim about strict regulations. Consider providing a concrete case or statistical data to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
While the essay is generally clear, there are occasional language errors and awkward phrasings that somewhat hinder understanding. For example, 'I totally disagree this version' should be 'I totally disagree with this view.'
coherence cohesion
The main points are supported and linked to the overall argument, making the essay cohesive.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present and effectively frame the essay, summarizing the key points and final stance.
task achievement
The response addresses the question fully and provides a clear stance on the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • law enforcement
  • escalate
  • deter
  • overreaction
  • perceived safety
  • misuse of power
  • deterrent effect
  • law and order
  • public safety
  • crime prevention
  • civil liberties
  • use of lethal force
  • accountability
  • arms race
  • militarization
  • social fabric
  • statistical evidence
  • cultural attitudes
  • criminal behavior
  • policy implications
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!