IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that if a police officer carries guns, it can encourage a higher level of violence. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #police #officer #guns #level #violence
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is thought by some people that
Police
officers
 should not carry
guns
 as it could enhance the chance of
occurring
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a higher level of disastrous violence in
society
. They argue that a lot of past incidents took place and are very evident for
such
 a cause.
However
, I opine that
Police
Officers
 should carry
guns
 as many unprecedented situations demand quick action and having a gun with them benefits the situation for social benefits as well.
As a consequence
, the crime rate will decrease exponentially in the future by fostering a safe
society
. There are many incidents where the
police
 had taken prompt decisions to encounter
criminals
 like murderers, rapists etc. . On many occasions,
such
 as, at the time of taking a prisoner from Jail to court for their hearing process , the prisoner tried to escape for their fear of lifetime jail imprisonment punishment for the grave crime which they had committed. So, The
police
 had to take immediate action to encounter
such
 prisoners and create a safe
society
 for
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
humans to live in. As the
police
 are responsible for
such
 an important responsibility, any lack of security will be held by the
police
 department reprehensible. Another reason stems from the fact that the
police
 department is a significant pillar
to foster
Change preposition
in fostering
show examples
 a peaceful
society
. Crimes like stealing, money laundering etc. are so common these days that it has become an utmost priority to carry
guns
 for the policeman's safety as well. The security
officers
 need to protect themselves from
such
criminals
 so that they can protect us . The military
officers
 who guard our country's border against the threat of other countries'
criminals
 , so that we can have a sound sleep at night, are
also
 the
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 of other mothers who pray day and night for their
child's
Fix the agreement mistake
children's
show examples
 safety. Having a gun should be a permanent criterion to protect our country's heroes. It is wise
to conclude
 that
Police
officers
 should carry
guns
 at all times for their safety and to protect our
society
 from harsh
criminals
.
This
 movement will enhance the security of life and citizens,
hence
, the government should shed light on
this
 matter and take significant action to execute
such
 a plan to foster a better country to live in for the citizens.
Submitted by luohongqianwen on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

relevant specific examples
Ensure that examples used are specific and directly relatable to the points being made. This will enhance the relevance and specificity of your support.
clear comprehensive ideas
Strive to articulate ideas more clearly and concisely. This will help in communicating greater comprehension and clarity within your response.
introduction conclusion present
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion which helps in providing a complete structure.
logical structure
The logical flow of ideas is reasonably well maintained throughout the essay, ensuring that the reader can follow the arguments presented.
supported main points
Main points are generally well-supported, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic and effective argumentation.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: