IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say that schools should spend more money on computers, others say that more money should be spent on teachers' wages. Discuss both views and state your opinion.

There is existed an
arguement
Correct your spelling
argument
 that academic money should be spent more on
computers
Use synonyms
 or the salaries of
teachers
Use synonyms
. I will discuss both perspectives and prove that the
teachers
Use synonyms
'
Use synonyms
wages
Change the noun form
wage
show examples
 spending
is outweigh
Change the verb form
outweighs
show examples
 the electronic counterpart. Having
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
said
Change the form of the verb
say
show examples
 that academic places should invest more
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their modern facilities, especially with
computers
Use synonyms
 to
enhence
Correct your spelling
enhance
 the
qualification
Fix the agreement mistake
qualifications
show examples
 of the students. The demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 using technologies
while
Linking Words
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
 in schools
tend
Change the verb form
tends
show examples
 to increase in the context of global
mordenization
Correct your spelling
modernization
. Scholars
require
Wrong verb form
are required
show examples
 to access
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
online documents and web surfing which may help them with their digital literacies.
For example
Linking Words
like
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, Sweden
promote
Verb problem
encourages
show examples
 teenage students to apply
computers
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 education
instead
Linking Words
 of
tradictional
Correct your spelling
traditional
 books.
Morepver
Correct your spelling
Moreover
, using virtual environments for teaching make education more engaging and interactive.
Hence
Linking Words
, through providing
lecture
Fix the agreement mistake
lectures
show examples
 lively, scholars are expected to learn more effectively.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, those advocating for higher teacher
wages
Use synonyms
 believe that educators play a pivotal role in shaping students’ lives rather than devices. Like any
jobs
Fix the agreement mistake
job
show examples
 over the world,
teachers
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 need to be well-paid to work productively with their
junior
Fix the agreement mistake
juniors
show examples
.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, there are
a lots
Correct the article-noun agreement
a lot
lots
show examples
 of
household
Change to a plural noun
households
show examples
, nowadays,
could
Correct pronoun usage
that could
show examples
 have a set of
computers
Use synonyms
 so that we could save that money for
Use synonyms
teachers
Change noun form
teachers'
teacher's
show examples
wages
Use synonyms
 now. The prime example is
instead
Linking Words
 of
build
Change the verb form
building
show examples
 good computer rooms, Asian schools paid their budgets
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 persuade and recruit famous
teachers
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, schools should allocate funds judiciously, recognizing the value of
teachers
Use synonyms
'
wages
Use synonyms
. A harmonious blend of technology and human expertise will lead to better educational outcomes.

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grammar
Work on ensuring sentence structures are grammatically correct and more varied. For instance, refine the sentence 'Having to said that academic places...' which should ideally be 'It is argued that academic institutions should invest more...'.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to substantiate the arguments. For instance, when mentioning Sweden, give concrete statistics or outcomes to strengthen your point.
task achievement
Clarify ideas to make them more comprehensive. For example, expand on why teachers need to be well-paid with specific details on how this impacts their teaching.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and provide a solid framework to the essay.
task achievement
Both perspectives are discussed, achieving a complete response to the task.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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