Many elderly individuals fail to engage in regular exercise. What factors contribute to this issue, and how can we encourage them to exercise more?
It is universally acknowledged that active lifestyles are a vital factor in
the
Correct article usage
apply
humans’
health and the elderly are no exception. A controversial issue is that their tendency toward exercise has been falling down Change noun form
humans
along with
ageing. The reasons will be debated in the following essay and some practical solutions will be proposed.
It is undeniable that the ageing life periods of citizens require especial
care Correct your spelling
special
such
as permanent working out, due to
particular changes in their bodies along with
getting old. Nonetheless
, they abandon themselves to participating in these activities. Firstly
, their preferences Change preposition
for
in
sedentary lifestyles substitute physical activities for reading books and watching movies. Change preposition
for
Secondly
, the atmosphere of gyms
appeals to the youth not the aged and they are not welcome in gyms
. Finally
, some misconceptions inculcate abandon
of cooperating in Replace the word
abandonment
gyms
into them. For example
, exercising may hurt their bodies or would have a negative effect on their diseases or their disabilities in working with the equipment would damage them.
on the other hand
, the necessities of their working out should be taken into account by society and governments. First,
reducing gyms
’ fees after a certain age would incentivize them to work out, and the governments can make concession
to those that have more aged members. Fix the agreement mistake
concessions
Moreover
, instead
of advertising gyms
by young locals, they can propose elderly people to
do it. Fix the infinitive
apply
This
is a win-win situation because a strong body is generally expected for the youth but it would surprise the viewers not
only the young but Correct word choice
that not
also
the old can own a strong body. Furthermore
, it would encourage the aged too by looking at their same age people’s lifestyles.
In conclusion, working out should not be prohibited by anyone and people in
every age need to spend some time on physical activities. The necessity of Change preposition
of
this
word is more for the aged because of their especial
body situations. it would be solved by the governments and societies through encouraging them.Correct your spelling
special
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coherence cohesion
You have a very clear introduction and conclusion, which frame the essay well and provide a solid structure. However, ensure your body paragraphs are well-focused and interconnected, contributing to a clearer line of argumentation.
task achievement
While your ideas are quite clear, make sure every point you make directly contributes to addressing the task. Sometimes, the examples and reasons provided can wander slightly off-track, reducing the overall task achievement.
task achievement
Use more specific and relevant examples to support your arguments and enrich your essay. This can demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic and provide a more convincing argument.
coherence cohesion
Improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs by using more cohesive devices. This can help in creating a more fluid reading experience and enhancing the logical progression of your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates the significance of the issue. This rounds off your essay nicely and leaves the reader with a clear impression of your main argument.
task achievement
You address both parts of the task - the factors contributing to elderly people not exercising and possible solutions to encourage them. This balanced approach generally enhances your task achievement.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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