One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is society has to care for more and more elderly people.

One
of the widely discussed issues nowadays is
society
has to care for more and more elderly
people
. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
I think that
society
will be able to cope with the increase of elderly
people
.
One
of the main aspects is that
society
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
to pay attention to old
people
. To tackle
this
problem
people
should cooperate together.
This
maybe
Correct your spelling
may be
show examples
the easiest and so the best way to help elderly
people
.
One
clear example is that in Scandinavian countries where
society
always
cooperate
Change the verb form
cooperates
show examples
and
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
their adults. In my
view
Add a comma
view,
show examples
their
society
start
Wrong verb form
started
show examples
to focus on
this
problem especially
transmit
Wrong verb form
transmitting
show examples
this
trend to
ther childrens
Correct your spelling
their children
.
As a result
Scandinavian countries
one
Add a missing verb
are one
show examples
of the best countries for elderly
people
.
One
of the main reasons behind
that is
the
improvments
Correct your spelling
improvements
improvement
in today's
heath
Correct your spelling
health
show examples
care.
For example
, we can see that
people
refine new technologies to analyse and improve our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
This
could lead to
rise
Correct article usage
a rise
show examples
people's
Change preposition
in people's
show examples
health problems or might result in the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
of elderly
people
because our medicine is developing more and more ways to improve our lives. Having weighed everything mentioned up, we can come to
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
conclusion that
society
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
to communicate with each other and manage some problems to solve them. So it would not be
surprised
Replace the word
surprising
show examples
to see
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
stability and improvements in medicine and new technologies to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
improve our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
in the near future. Actions must be taken urgently,
otherwise
we will get a downward
trends
Fix the agreement mistake
trend
show examples
.
This
will cause instability in our
society
and a decline in
people
's lives.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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task achievement
The essay should provide a more detailed and clear response to the prompt. While the main ideas are present, the arguments need further development and support.
task achievement
The essay needs clearer and more comprehensive ideas. Try to expand on each point to give a full and thorough explanation.
task achievement
Use relevant and specific examples consistently throughout the essay to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure by organizing each paragraph around a single main idea and ensuring smooth transitions between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each main point is clearly supported with detailed explanations and examples.
coherence cohesion
You have included an introduction and a conclusion, which helps to provide structure to your essay.
task achievement
The essay contains relevant examples, which can be beneficial in supporting your main points.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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