IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that one sould plan detailed activities for their leisure time, while others disagree with this view. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #sould #plan #activities #leisure #time
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Due to
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 the fact of the development of technologies, many people apply fast
food
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 in their main dishes.The writer of
this
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 essay believes the pros of junk
food
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 outweigh the cons counterpart because of health problems and laziness.
To begin
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 with,affecting health may be one of the consequences that can appear.To be more specific, customers who consume convenient
food
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 can easily become obese because making junk
food
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 needs a variety of oils.
Additionally
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,in some restaurants, the oil after cooking can be reused which leads to cancer.
Moreover
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, fried oil can simulate cholesterol more
consequently
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 consumer's face can experience a number of acne.
For example
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,in the USA after the occurrence of fast
food
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, the obesity rate with cancer shot up to 15% considering the number of buyers overusing fast
food
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 and reusing the oil.
Hence
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,junk
food
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 can lead to a variety of strength issues.
On the other hand
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,laziness is one of the core reasons that make using fast
food
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 become disadvantageous.To put it simply,many users abuse eating fast
food
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 for the reason that they are lazy.
Furthermore
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,the overuse of fast
food
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 can create a gap between family members with each other.The reason why is each member has their own world so if buyers consume too much convenient
food
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 they may
immerse
Wrong verb form
immersed
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the
Change preposition
in the
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 purchaser's world and not want to have time to interact with others.
For instance
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,in The UK where plenty of families are too lazy to cook so the solution that those families choose is to buy fast
food
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.
Thus
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, using too much fast
food
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 can accelerate apathy.
By contrast
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, one of the advantages can be found
is
Correct your spelling
in
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 saving occasion.To be more clear,in some situations, residents may not have enough occasion for cooking so citizens have to buy fast cooking to ensure having enough energy for work.
Also
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,citizens sometimes may be fed up with normal cuisine they want to find new things to try.In
this
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 position, fast foodstuff is the best choice for buyers.
However
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,hiring a houseworker to cook is better than eating
fast
Add an article
a fast
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 snack. In conclusion,well-being issues and laziness are overpowered by saving
month
Correct your spelling
money
show examples
.
Nevertheless
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,hiring a worker for cooking can reduce energy problems and save date.
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coherence cohesion
Try to improve your essay's coherence by using clear transitions between ideas and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Work on your logical structure by outlining your essay before you start writing. This will help make your arguments more organized and logical.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your introduction and conclusion clearly outline your main points and summarize your position effectively.
task achievement
Although you've addressed both sides of the argument, strive to elaborate on your own perspective more comprehensively to enhance task achievement.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear, but try to develop them more thoroughly. Add more detailed explanations and connections between points.
task achievement
Use more relevant and specific examples to support your points. This adds depth to your arguments and demonstrates your understanding of the topic.
task achievement
You have addressed both views and provided your opinion, which fulfills the task requirements.
task achievement
Your essay includes relevant specific examples, such as the ones from the USA and UK, which support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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