Small business should avoid recruiting young women who do not have their own family in order to avoid paying maternity leave later on. To what level do you agree or disagree

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Nowadays,
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
and men are recruited in small
businesses
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. Some say that small
businesses
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should not recruit
women
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who have not been married because owners are afraid of paying maternity leave later on.
This
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essay
disagree
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disagrees
show examples
and will explain
further
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that small
businesses
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should not employ
female
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females
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who have not been married because younger
female
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females
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work
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more efficiently than
female
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females
show examples
who have
family
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families
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and younger
workers
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tend to follow the trend
that is
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useful for the small
businesses
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.
Firstly
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, female
workers
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who
has
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have
show examples
not been married will
work
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more efficiently because have more stamina and will
work
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recklessly than
women
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who have families. One clear example is that the younger the
workers
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the more stamina they have and older
workers
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tend to be more cautious of their bodies because the older they are, their bodies are more
fragiel
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fragile
.
Furthermore
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, younger
workers
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tend to attend
work
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more than older woman
workers
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who have their own families, because older woman
workers
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will take more paid leave
due to
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family matters,
such
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as their kids being sick or needing to take care of their family.
Secondly
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, younger
workers
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tend to follow the trend
than
Correct quantifier usage
more than
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the female
workers
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who have families, because they spend more time scrolling through social media,
while
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the
women
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workers
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who have family spend their time
to take
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taking
show examples
care of
thte
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the
family,
such
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as their kids and their husbands. Following the trend can bring benefits to the small
business
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,
for instance
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, younger
workers
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can inform their managers how
the
Correct article usage
apply
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viral marketing works nowadays. By making viral marketing
such
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as making videos that are trending, it can boost sales and bring more engagement to the
business
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.
To sum up
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, small
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business
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businesses
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should start
employ
Wrong verb form
employing
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young
women
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because it is more beneficial for the small
business
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because young
women
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are more effective in
work
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and can boost sales for the small
business
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.
Submitted by sumitros97 on

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task response
Ensure that your introduction clearly states your position and outlines the main points that will be discussed in the essay. This helps the reader understand the direction your essay will take.
task response
Develop your main points with more specific examples and details. This will help in making your arguments more convincing and grounded in real-world scenarios.
coherence and cohesion
Work on improving transitions between paragraphs to enhance the flow of your essay. Use appropriate linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Be careful with grammar and sentence structure. Some sentences are somewhat fragmented or awkwardly phrased. Ensure subject-verb agreement and avoid run-on sentences.
introduction and conclusion
You have included an introduction and a conclusion, which frames your essay well.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your essay presents clear ideas and stays on topic throughout the text.
logical structure
The structure of the essay is logical, with each paragraph focusing on a specific point related to your main argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • maternity leave
  • discrimination
  • gender bias
  • workplace diversity
  • employment law
  • economic benefits
  • family-friendly policies
  • staff retention
  • talent acquisition
  • employee turnover
What to do next:
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