With the enhancement of technology, many individuals have been interested to dedicate their time to activities such as online games on different devices. With the fact that the joy one can feel while using these entertaining tools is undeniable, there is no doubt that they come with their own disadvantages
On the one hand, throughout the recent century, playing
games
is
introduced as a hobby and managed to get popular Wrong verb form
has been
on
Change preposition
at
such
a fast pace. Despite the age and the culture
background of any Replace the word
cultural
player
, these electronic imaginary worlds have had a massive impact on the number of people engaging with them over time
. In the modern world society, with the effort being put into maintaining a balance between work, life
and considering Correct word choice
and life
a
free Correct article usage
apply
time
in our routine, it seems to be more convenient to choose a hobby that does not require outdoor presence and it
is more suitable for the ones who resist from dedicating funding for entertainment outside.
Correct pronoun usage
apply
Also
, games
provide a friendly space for group activities and it has created a community over time
. Engaging in on-air games
is a more achievable way to socialize in comparison to other routes, especially for younger children who are developing their skills and neurodivergents
with anxiety.
Correct your spelling
neurodivergent
neurodivergence
On the other hand
, while
analyzing the way this
activity is approached, the first weakness that strikes the mind would be the negative physical effects it causes. Most digital games
require the player
to sit for hours, while
humans are designed to be active on a daily basis and are encouraged towards mobility on most social media platforms nowadays. Hence
, not being able to move for long hours can be unfortunate and be destructively
Replace the word
destructive
hurtful
over a long period of Correct word choice
and hurtful
time
.
Moreover
, repetitive muscle movements which are caused due to
the request of some specific games
, can cause physical ticks in the future that carry the possibility of long-term injuries for the player
.
To add up to the possible risks, studies shows
that some of these Change the verb form
show
games
in specific genres can trigger mental health issues and past trauma over time
and transform the player
's point of view in life, eventually causing regretful actions. As
Change preposition
In
a
conclusion, we cannot deny the overspread of digital Correct article usage
apply
games
and the welcoming industry behind it, but there are so many aspects of this
matter that needs
to be looked Correct subject-verb agreement
need
closely
and be controlled or limited in detailsChange preposition
at closely
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task achievement
Incorporate specific examples and references to studies or statistics to better support your claims. For instance, mention specific games or studies related to the mental and physical health impacts.
task achievement
Ensure that all ideas are expressed clearly and comprehensively. For instance, the phrase 'suitable for the ones who resist from dedicating funding for entertainment outside' could be rephrased for better clarity: 'suitable for individuals who prefer cost-effective indoor entertainment.'
coherence cohesion
Create a stronger introduction that clearly defines what the essay will cover. This will set clearer expectations for the reader.
coherence cohesion
Use transition words more effectively to improve the logical flow between paragraphs and ideas. For example, phrases such as 'in addition' or 'furthermore' could be more strategically used.
task achievement
The essay features a strong and relevant topic, demonstrating a clear understanding of the prompt.
task achievement
The connection made between gaming and socialization, especially for younger children and neurodivergent individuals, is insightful and well-articulated.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with separate paragraphs for different points, making it easy to follow.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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