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Band 4.5

The charts below show the percentage of Irish students at one university who spoke an additional language to English from 2000 to 2010.

The charts below show the percentage of Irish students at one university who spoke an additional language to English from 2000 to 2010.
The given pie charts
demonstrates
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demonstrate
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 how many
students
Use synonyms
 in the
university
Capitalize word
University
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 of Ireland spoke
extra
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the extra
an extra
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language
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 to English over a decade. It can be clearly seen that the percentage of
students
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 who spoke only Spanish increased modestly over the period.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 amount levelled off for
students
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 who spoke only Celtic from 2000 to 2010. A small minority of
students
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 spoke French
in
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at
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Iresh
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Irish
university
Capitalize word
University
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,nearly 15%.and
then
Linking Words
 after 10 years It reached
to
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apply
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10%.
Moreover
Linking Words
,20% of
students
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 did not speak another
language
Use synonyms
 in 2000.But
this
Linking Words
 number halved in 2010.
Suprisingly
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Surprisingly
 the number of
students
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 who spoke
spanish
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Spanish
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 was 30% in 2000 and for the next ten
years
Add a comma
years,
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 It comprised just over a third of
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
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. In 2000 a quarter of
students
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 in the university spoke another
language
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 and two other languages, respectively 15% and 10%.After which it consisted
a
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of a
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third of porporation in 2010.Interestingly the average of
Iresh
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Irish
students
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 who knew Celtic
language
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 remained the same over the period.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students, language with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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