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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The Table below shows the numbers of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. That starts so the result of surveys asking visitors how satisfied they were with their visit during the same two periods. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The Table below shows the numbers of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. That starts so the result of surveys asking visitors how satisfied they were with their visit during the same two periods. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The table and the two pie charts illustrate the numbers of
visitors
Use synonyms
 and the results of their satisfaction respectively before and after the
refurbishment
Use synonyms
 of the Ashadom
Museum
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, we can see that the number of
visitors
Use synonyms
 during the
year
Use synonyms
 after
refurbishment
Use synonyms
 was higher than the number before
refurbishment
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, we can see that most people who visited the
museum
Use synonyms
 after
refurbishment
Use synonyms
 were “Satisfied” and “very satisfied” rather than the
visitors
Use synonyms
 the
year
Use synonyms
 before
refurbishment
Use synonyms
 who were mainly “Dissatisfied” and
secondly
Linking Words
 “satisfied”. In the table, the number of
visitors
Use synonyms
 from 74,000 before the
museum
Use synonyms
 was refurbished increased to 92,000 after the
museum
Use synonyms
 was refurbished. In the left pie chart which concerns the
year
Use synonyms
 before
refurbishment
Use synonyms
, we see that the highest percentage was 40% of dissatisfied people
while
Linking Words
 the lowest percentage was 5% of “No response”. In the right pie chart, which concerns the
year
Use synonyms
 after
refurbishment
Use synonyms
, we observe that the highest percentage was 40% of satisfied
visitors
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 the lowest was 5% of both very satisfied
visitors
Use synonyms
 and those who did not respond.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words visitors, refurbishment, museum, year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "numbers of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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