Some people say that government should not put money on building theatre and sports stadium.They should spend more money on medical care and education .Do you agree or disagree?
It is asserted by some individuals that more money should be spent on the health services and education system rather than art and grounds for games.I partially agree with
this
statement.Linking Words
While
Linking Words
good
medical system and education are the foundation of a prosperous nation ,entertainment has its own importance in the lives of the people.
To commence with,an adequate part of the revenues should be spent on medical aid and schooling of children as these are the pillars of a healthy and developed nation.To explain it,the authorities should spend sufficient funds to ensure affordable treatments for the deprived and old citizens .Correct article usage
a good
Moreover
,proper education should be provided to underprivileged children so that diseases and illiteracy Linking Words
could have vanished
from the nations.Wrong verb form
can vanish
For example
,Linking Words
according to
a survey,the USA Linking Words
considered
to be Add a missing verb
is considered
most
developed country because of its Correct article usage
the most
advance
medical and educational systems.
Replace the word
advanced
On the other hand
,theatres and Linking Words
play grounds
are for the entertainment of people and encouragement of recreational activities,so should be equally funded by the government.To elaborate ,Correct your spelling
playgrounds
the
amusement is as important for individuals as health and study because it gives mental satisfaction to a person .Correct article usage
apply
Apart from
Linking Words
this
,Linking Words
construction
of new and advanced stadiums can encourage the players to play well for their nation.Correct article usage
the construction
For instance
,India has built new stadiums with Linking Words
latest
methods so that players can play well and surplus the dignity of Correct article usage
the latest
country
.Add an article
the country
Therefore
,the building of new theatres and stadiums is essential for Linking Words
Linking Words
overall
progress of a Add an article
the overall
ccountry
.
In conclusion,there should be a balance between the revenues spent on medical treatments and literacy Correct your spelling
country
as well as
on entertainment because both are imperative for the good growth of a country.Linking Words
Submitted by japjotsandhu8553 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
grammar
Improve grammar and punctuation. For example, add spaces after commas and periods, and ensure subject-verb agreement.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples to illustrate points. For instance, mention specific programs or initiatives in medical care and education.
task achievement
It would be more impactful to clearly state your position (agree/disagree) in the introduction to give the reader a clear idea of your standpoint.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced viewpoint by considering both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical, with clear introduction and conclusion paragraphs.
supported main points
Main points are well-supported with explanations and examples. For example, the reference to the USA's advanced medical and educational systems, and India's new stadiums.