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Band 5.5

Some people think that dangerous sports should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement. Give the reason and relevant examples.

#people #sports #reason
Currently, some people believe that sports that can cause self-injury should be banned,
while
 others argue that they should depend on the wishes of society. In my opinion, there are some activities that are dangerous and can cause health problems, but if there is
freedom
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the freedom
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 to choose their
favorite
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favourite
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 sport, individuals can be more satisfied.
Although
 the options are many, most young people want to apprentice at boxing and judo clubs. Even so,
this
 type of sport can be said to be the most dangerous because it occurs during preparation for a match.
In addition
,
this
 activity requires more physical strength, because it is the member's responsibility to endure the challenges that exist in the club. One example is a boxer who was seriously injured
due to
 a blow to the head by his partner in the ring,
as a result
 of which he was unable to speak and move independently after the incident.
On the other hand
, freedom plays an important role in choosing a
favorite
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favourite
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 type of activity.
Firstly
, a person can be more confident and believe in his abilities,
secondly
, the chances of winning in a tournament will be greater, which is
also
 beneficial for the government.
For example
, the famous boxer Mike Tyson was the best of his time among other boxers, the reason could be because he was chosen
by
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apply
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him
Correct pronoun usage
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without any coercion from family members, it is
also
 possible that he could be the reason for that. increase the number of visitors to sports clubs. In conclusion, in some cases, it is better if dangerous sports are banned,
while
 the best way is to give people freedom of choice.
Submitted by patricius.yohanes on

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coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and logical structure, outline your main points clearly in the introduction and ensure each paragraph focuses on a single idea. This helps avoid any confusion and significantly improves readability.
task achievement
It is important to provide specific, relevant examples that directly support your argument. This could drive your main points home more effectively and make your essay more convincing.
task achievement
Remember to fully develop your ideas by expanding on them further. This includes providing clear explanations and more detailed reasoning for your viewpoints.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your answering of the question well.
task achievement
You have made a commendable effort to address the topic by discussing both perspectives of the issue, which provides a balanced approach.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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