In many countries children engage in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable experience, important for learning and taking responsibilty. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Children
around the world are involved in different
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
of
work
for which they receive salaries. Depending on the age, the type of
work
and the conditions,
this
mybe
Correct your spelling
maybe
may be
a form of exploitation. In the right circumstances,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
having a part-time job
while
growing
can
Change preposition
up can
show examples
help
children
learn useful skills and gain valuable experience for life. In my opinion, as long as
this
work
is a balanced part of a wider education it can be both useful and beneficial. Paid
work
is wrong for
children
if
thier
Correct your spelling
their
rights are not respected and when the conditions are dangerous. Having
children
to
work
is
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
jobs
such
as betting shops, young adults will be influenced to take chances in gambling activities.
For instance
, when a
gumbler
Correct your spelling
gambler
number
wins big, young
people
will start to see
this
as an easy way of making a lot of money, yet
this
is a big risk for
loses
Replace the word
loss
show examples
and addiction. These kinds of
jobs
missleads
Correct your spelling
misleads
mislead
the youth.
However
, there are situations where employment can be highly beneficial for
children
's current and future lives. By undertaking part-time
jobs
such
as Saturday
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
in a shop, young
people
have the chance to learn new skills and abilities in a practical way.
For example
, in dealing with a wider range of
people
, including employers and
coleague
Correct your spelling
colleague
colleagues
,
as well as
members of the public, a young person develops the ability and confidence to communicate effectively. Dog-walking and
babby sittinf
Correct your spelling
babysitting
are
also
common
jobs
for young
people
. These types of
jobs
require a degree of
responsiblity
Correct your spelling
responsibility
in
carring
Correct your spelling
carrying
caring
scarring
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
another living thing and can
nature
Verb problem
nurture
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
sense of maturity. Clearly, any form of exploitation which puts
children
in workplaces at the expense of their education or
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
cannot be supported.
Fortuntley
Correct your spelling
Fortunately
, not all employment for young
people
follows
this
pattern and
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
them with legitimate working conditions, they are able to develop real-life skills which will help them for the rest of
theit
Correct your spelling
their
lives.
Submitted by sisalt100 on

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task achievement
Address grammatical errors like 'mybe' (maybe), 'thier' (their), 'misslead' (mislead), and 'carring' (caring) to enhance clarity.
coherence cohesion
Work on paragraph transitions to improve the overall flow of the essay. For example, start the second paragraph with a smoother transition from the introduction.
task achievement
Provide more concrete examples that are clearly linked to the main points to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Refine your conclusion to ensure it effectively summarizes and ties together your main points.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view by discussing both the negative and positive aspects of children engaging in paid work.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly states the essay's purpose and outlines the structure.
task achievement
The use of examples such as working in shops and dog-walking helps to illustrate your points effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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